Through No Fault of Her Own
by NajwaBarlaam
Summary: He turned to Lily. "Dennison agrees that one girl asking one guy to a concert constitutes a date." "Does she also agree that one girl continuing to throw herself at one guy who has a girlfriend constitutes a slag?" Lily asked in a sugary voice.
1. Patiently Waiting

Through no fault of her own, Lily Evans had been sorted into Slytherin. And _that_ was complete tosh. While her desire to be in Slytherin could be blamed – in its entirety – on Severus Snape, the actual fault lay with her and her alone. The sorting hat had been quite determined to put her into Gryffindor, but she had argued it into submission. Eventually, it caved and placed her in Slytherin. And that was the end of her carefree childhood.

All of Severus' lies about it not mattering that she was a muggleborn came crashing down at the first test. When forced to choose between her and the rest of their house, he had chosen Slytherin without a second thought. He still claimed – when no one was around to hear him – that he wanted to be friends with her. But she wasn't interested. She didn't need friends. She had found, in second year, a way to play her music without the teachers realizing, and she was content with that. She was just waiting patiently for her time at Hogwarts to be done.

In a monumental display of complete idiocy, the school had decided to run all classes double, so as to foster comradeship. Which meant, unfortunately for her, that all Slytherin classes were had with the Gryffindors. It was hideous. Not that the Hufflepuffs or the Ravenclaws were good. They just weren't as bad as the Gryffindors, who seemed to think it was their calling in life to torture anyone connected to the silver and green.

She was in for a very long year, she thought, slouching into Transfiguration. She went directly to a seat in a back corner, nonverbally cast the spell to start her music (and signal her if someone spoke to her or paid attention to her), and settled back to watch the grass grow out the window.

* * *

Remus watched Lily Evans walk in. He wasn't sure what to think of her. He had met her for the first time at the prefect's meeting on the Hogwarts Express. She seemed irritated with having been chosen, though not half so much as the rest of the Slytherins. She had barely acknowledged anyone with more than a glare, and had not spoken once during the whole meeting. If a question was addressed to her, she either nodded or shook her head. That was that apparent extent to her communication skills.

He supposed it was unfair of him to say it was the first time they met, but it seemed that way. They had classes in the same school for years, but somehow she never quite seemed _there_. He couldn't recall ever seeing her in the Great Hall, and in classes she managed to basically disappear.

Still, he felt bad for her. Her ability to ignore everyone seemed to offend certain personality types. She had certainly been the victim of more than a few of the Marauder's pranks, and he got the distinct impression she was not well liked – or well treated – by her own house. He wondered if the reason she didn't talk was that she didn't have anyone to talk to.

"Oi," Sirius called. "Moony, don't tell me you're after that one," he jerked his head in Lily's direction. "I guarantee she's got a bear trap down there that'll rip your dick to pieces if you even come close to trying."

"Ugh . . ." James added. "You've just planted awful images in my head Padfoot. And anyway, Moony's got better taste than that." James surveyed her. "She couldn't look more Slytherin, with that nasty black hair, pale skin, and hideous make up." He snorted. "Actually, she looks a bit like she bypassed Slytherin and went straight to vampire."

Remus didn't say anything. He didn't laugh, but he didn't argue with them either. He knew it would only result in them insulting her even more loudly. He was scheduled to patrol with her tonight. Maybe he would getter a better feel for her then.

* * *

She was waiting for the prat in the hall by the prefect bathroom. He was late, of course. If there was one thing you could count on the Marauders for, it was treating you like dirt. They were the kings of the school, and figured everyone else for a load of peasant subjects. Lily seriously considered just leaving. What was the worst that could happen? God knew she would absolutely weep if she was stripped of her prefect badge, she thought sarcastically.

She heard him coming. Glancing to the side, she watched him walk up to her.

"Hey," Lupin said.

She simply nodded in return.

"So," he shoved his hands in his pockets. "Where do you want to head first?"

She shrugged. She thought he had to be daft if he figured she cared at all.

"Erm . . . I suppose we could just sort of, wander," he suggested.

She shrugged again and started off in the direction she happened to be facing. He fell into step beside her.

She rolled her eyes. "We don't actually have to do this together," she said. "You can go your way, and I can go mine, and Prewitt never needs to know the difference."

Lupin looked taken aback. "He made it pretty clear we're supposed to patrol in pairs. And with you being a . . . " he caught himself and tried to recover, "girl," he said.

She raised any eyebrow. "Really? That's your big save?" She shook her head, launching into a full scale imitation of him. "'Don't worry. I'm not at all prejudiced against blood status. Purebloods, halfbloods, mudbloods, I love 'em all. But don't get me started on _girls_."

He blinked at her, rocking back on his heels. "You know, over all, the decision not to talk? Probably a good one," he said.

She didn't waste any effort on glaring at him. "Wanker," she said, flipping on her music. She didn't even bother to add the spell that alerted her when people talked to her. She was fairly sure he said something to her a few more times, but she had no problem ignoring him with rock blasting in her ears.

* * *

_In case you are wondering, this is in no way connected to the story line of "Among Her Least Favorite People." I wanted to write a fic about what might have happened if Lily was sorted into Slytherin, and couldn't decide which direction to take, so I'm writing both simultaneously. They will go very different places. _


	2. Much More Difficult

Remus was concerned. He was fairly sure Lily had taken him seriously when he'd said talking wasn't a good idea for her. He had meant it as a joke. He would have thought anyone with as sharp a tongue as she seemed to secretly have would have understood that, but he might have hit a bit too close to home.

He watched her surreptitiously over the next week. They would be patrolling together again on Wednesday, and Remus wanted to be armed with as much knowledge as possible. He wasn't afraid of her, or her sharp tongue. And he didn't exactly pity her. He just thought she could use a friend. And, anyway, it sounded as though they were going to be stuck patrolling together for the rest of the year, so they might as well make the best of it.

He sat on his bed, making a list. The lads had gone down to wander the grounds, but he had begged off, claiming homework. He looked at what he knew so far.

* * *

_Lily Evans_

_1. Does not, under any circumstances, eat in the Great Hall. _

_ - Why not?_

_ - How does she eat?_

_ - Does she know about the kitchens?_

_2. Almost never speaks._

_ - Exception 1) Will speak in response to a direct question from a teacher._

_ - Exception 2) Will speak to Hagrid, but only when she doesn't realize anyone else is around (observed while under the cover of James' invisibility cloak)._

_3. Never smiles._

_ - No apparent exceptions._

_ - Note: Does seem to have a sense of humor, if biting._

_ - Sense of humor does not, apparently, induce smiles_

_ - Why doesn't she smile?_

_ - Unhappy?_

_ - Trying to be intimidating?_

_ - Unfortunate muscle condition?_

_4. Intensely dislikes the Marauders._

_ - Seems to hate them more than average people (who she also does not hold in high regard)_

_ -May actually loathe James and Sirius._

_ - Hatred may be valid (given their recent prank involving a magnet charm and a load of snakes which resulted, unfortunately – and Remus was fairly sure accidentally – in several snake bites and a trip to the hospital wing). _

_ Note to self – In the future, try to make sure they avoid using poisonous snakes in their pranks._

_5. Gets along with Peeves._

_ - ?_

_6. Seems to be able to tune people out to the point of actually not hearing them at all._

_ - She would definitely have known to protect herself from the snakes if she had heard Sirius' comment about her being 'queen of the snakes for a day.' Which she should have heard, since he said it specifically to her._

_ - Note: Is always able to answer teachers' questions, despite seeming every bit as tuned out._

_ - Pure willpower to ignore other students?_

_

* * *

_

That was it. That was all he had. It was mostly questions. And almost entirely useless. He had barely managed any decent speculation with regard to any of his questions. With Peeves, he couldn't even elaborate. He had seen Peeves greet her almost _cordially_ and her nod in return, but he couldn't even began to make sense of it. If Peeves was going to like anyone, it should have been the Marauders. They were much more up his alley. But he had never seemed impressed with them. Remus almost wondered if Peeves' cold attitude toward them was a reflection of her feelings. But that didn't seem at all possible.

He would just have to wait and see what he could learn on Wednesday. He was determined to make the most of patrolling.

* * *

The git was staring at her again. It really was getting distracting. Her music would stutter, and the volume would drop. She would glance around and see that Lupin was scratching some notes onto his parchment. She would flick the music back up again, determined to ignore him. And ten minutes later, it would happen again. It was getting unnerving, to say the least.

She wished she could have just skipped the spell to let her know when someone was focused on her, but she had learned the hard way that tuning everything out was a mistake. Her eyes slid over to the git's friends, and she rubbed at the remnants of a snake bite on her arm. No, she would definitely have to stay on guard.

When the McGonagall dismissed them, she grabbed up her books and bolted from the classroom. It was never a good plan to stay anywhere that you could potentially be cornered. She hustled along ahead of her class, and slipped into a side passageway.

Pulling a container of carefully packaged stink sap out of her pocket, she left it for Peeves. In first year, when she couldn't stop herself being polite, she had congratulated him on an excellent prank. He had been so surprised at being treated like a person that he'd taken a great liking to her. As he was the only entity in the school who liked her, and the only one who gave the rest of the residents anything beginning to approach their just desserts, she regularly left him little "presents." She absolutely delighted in seeing them put to use, and would chat with him for long stretches, rehashing his day's chaos.

Not tonight, though. Tonight she had to patrol with the git. Maybe she could encourage Peeves to use her little present on the Marauders. They _did_ like attention, after all.

* * *

Remus walked up to the prefects' bathroom, hoping tonight there would be a breakthrough. He had even made sure to be a few minutes early.

She was leaning against the wall when he walked up. Her eyes flicked to his, and she straightened.

"Hey," he said cheerfully, but she had already started walking off. Apparently she was eager to start the rounds.

"So, are you done with your Charms essay yet?" he ventured. She didn't react at all.

"Me neither," he continued, deciding to take her silence for a no. "I'm crap at Charms. I don't know what it is. Transfiguration I get, Defense Against the Dark Arts I get, Care of Magical Creatures I get, but Charms has never worked for me. I'll be lucky to scrape an Acceptable O.W.L."

He thought she might have seemed slightly . . . amused. Her posture had changed, just a bit. He began to think she _could_ hear him and was just fantastically skilled at pretending she couldn't.

He kept up a constant stream of chatter throughout the patrol. They discussed – well, _he_ discussed – classes, holidays, friends, possible careers, other students, the teachers, and general gossip.

"Listen," he said, thinking it was a funny way to start when he had his doubts that she could even hear him, "I want to apologize about that whole snakes business. It was out of order, no question."

She seemed to tense, but still didn't respond. After that, he once again had the impression she couldn't hear him at all. He tried a few outlandish statements and saw no change in her demeanor. He sighed. This was going to be much more difficult than he had originally thought.


	3. Peaceful

They had been patrolling together for a month now, and Remus felt no closer to figuring her out. Part of the problem, he admitted to himself, was that he screwed it up on that first patrol. Since then, she had completely ignored him. He still couldn't figure out how she managed it. He would have sworn she couldn't hear anything at all. He'd tried whispering mad things, or shouting "Look out!" or telling jokes. She didn't given any indication she heard any of it. But then, when a third year came running up to them unexpectedly, she swiveled around at the same moment as him, just as though she had heard the boys feet slapping against the stone of the castle floor.

It didn't help matters that he hadn't been sleeping well since the incident with Snape. He was still furious with Sirius. How his _friend_ could have set him up to kill another student without so much as a second thought . . . it didn't bear thinking about. At any rate, all the sleepless nights gave him plenty of time to consider the situation with Evans.

He found himself becoming strangely protective of her. He didn't dare overtly object to any pranks planned for her. He knew his friends well enough to realize they would have found his sympathy hilarious, and pranked her twice as much just so they could have a laugh at him. But he _had_ become quite skilled at diverting them onto different targets or, even better, different activities all together.

Of course, that was how Full-Contact Spoons had started, and given the increase in hospital wing trips, he wasn't sure he could count it as a victory.

Remus continued musing about things as he quietly dressed. The sun hadn't even finished rising yet, but he couldn't just lay in bed any longer. He decided to go for a walk on the grounds. He found the activity soothing, and thought it might give him a chance to clear his head.

He wandered down over by the lake, and up around into the trees. As he came to a clearing, he halted suddenly. He felt a bit like he'd stumbled on a deer that didn't know he was watching. He went completely still and utterly silent.

As he watched, Lily shifted – flowed – from one outlandish position into another. She was wearing some sort of muggle outfit that fit her tightly, but stretched easily when she moved. And she had managed to tangle herself up into an impossible position. Her hands were supporting her weight as her legs twisted strangely and stuck out. She looked to have been tied in a not.

He was surprised to see that her eyes were closed. She looked peaceful, and he never would have thought he'd say that about Lily Evans. Feeling like an intruder, he stepped back. Right onto a twig. When it cracked, Lily's eyes snapped open. He saw her register him, but she didn't hurry her movements as she lowered herself to the ground, sitting with her legs crossed. She watched him, saying nothing.

"I'm sorry," he said, meaning it. He didn't want to take this from her. "I was just going for a walk," he shrugged awkwardly.

She looked around her sadly. "I should have been doing this inside, anyway. I just thought no one would be up at this hour."

"Why should you have to do it inside?" Remus asked. "I can avoid this area, if you want."

She raised an eyebrow.

"You just seemed, I dunno, content. I don't want to ruin that for you just because I couldn't sleep," he said.

"Or," he offered, unsure, "if you're worried about other people stumbling on you, I could come down early and keep any eye out." He felt stupid for suggesting it.

She cocked her head at him. "What, you get off on watching girls do yoga?"

He shook his head quickly. "No," he said. "I don't think of you like that at all." His felt his eyes widen. "I mean, not that no one would or anything. You obviously have a great," he gestured toward her body, realized what he'd said, and felt himself turn bright red. And then he noticed she was laughing, and decided it was absolutely worth the embarrassment.

She had a surprisingly nice laugh. Sweet almost. He had expected that if he ever heard it, it would be harsh, or mocking. Instead it was warm. He was encouraged. He might actually be able to befriend her after all. And the reward might be better than he'd thought.

"So, _yoga_, huh?" he asked, obviously hoping for an explanation.

He was pleased when she laughed again, despite the fact that she proceeded to ignore him. She went back to her "yoga" as though he wasn't there, but he felt almost included. At least, he knew she was aware of his presence, and tolerant of it for possibly the first time ever.


	4. First Lesson

She went for a run each morning before she did her yoga. It was how she stayed sane. And how, at least to a certain extent, she did so well in her classes. Most of the students seemed to believe that all you had to do was say the word right and flick your wand properly for a spell to come off well. Lily believed firmly that it was also about your state of mind. You had to _feel_ the spell.

She was already better at nonverbal spells than most seventh years, and her verbal spells seemed more powerful too.

Improving her magic hadn't been the motivation behind starting yoga. She had just needed a release, a way to settle her mind and calm her spirit. Being at Hogwarts was a bit like being put in a tiny wooden box, with little cracks between the slats to let in light, and a roomful of people banging on the outside of it, shouting insults at you. If you let the external stimuli overwhelm you, you were done for. Instead, she found a place within herself that none of them could touch.

Of course, the git had started intruding on that space. She breathed deeply, barely winded after a mile. She had decided to take his presence as a challenge, a way to push her practice, improve her strength of mind. Unfortunately, that meant she had been putting up with the idiot every morning for weeks now. She upped her pace a bit. At least he had the decency to bring homework.

As she neared the area she used to practice her yoga, she slowed, rather than bypassing it to do a few more miles. Someone was there. Silently, she crept up to the clearing.

She held back a laugh.

The git had brought out a blanket (which he clearly hadn't thought to impervious, as it was already quite muddy), and was attempting to lift himself into Scorpion. She gave him credit for remember to start from a forearm stand, which he pulled off better than she would have expected. Of course, he had clearly underestimated the amount of flexibility and upper body strength required to move into Scorpion from the stand. She snorted as she watched him overbalance and face plant.

He pushed himself up, looking over at her.

"You'll hurt yourself like that," she said. He had managed to get himself muddy despite the blanket.

He sat up, considering her. "How do you do it?" He shook his head. "You make it look easy."

She shrugged. "I've been at it for a while. And I had the sense to progress at a reasonable pace, not jump head first into a difficult pose."

"And if I wanted to progress at a reasonable pace, what would that entail?" he asked.

She shrugged again. "A lot of Downward Dog and Plank; a load of Warrior poses and other early stuff."

He cocked his head at her. "Would you teach me?"

She blinked slowly. "You want me to teach you yoga?"

He nodded.

"Aren't you supposed to be off shagging easy girls and winning quidditch cups?" she asked caustically.

He shook his head. "I've never played quidditch," he said.

She raised her eyebrows. "Or shagged an easy girl?" She couldn't resist taking the piss. He blushed at the drop of a hat.

He tried to respond, but his voice cracked and she laughed even harder. Deciding it was time to take pity on him, she lifted the edge of the blanket he had been using as a mat.

"First lesson," she said. "Always impervious your mat – or blanket – before beginning your practice outside."


	5. Practice

Remus was quite pleased with the progression of his friendship with Lily. Admittedly, she still ignored him during all activities other than yoga or patrol - and he still hadn't figured out how the hell she ignored people so well – but when it was just the two of them, they actually got on quite well. And he thought yoga was one of the most brilliant inventions he had ever stumbled across.

Rather than being cross with himself every time he fell asleep – when he supposed to be focusing on his breathing – during corpse pose, he had decided to take advantage of the knowledge. When he went to sleep now, he took himself through some poses in his mind, sprawled his body out of his bed, and focused on his breathing. It had completely solved his insomnia problems.

On top of that, Lily had finally agreed to help him out in Charms and Potions. In her defense, he hadn't exactly been begging her to do it. He knew if he asked her outright, she would think he had tried to get on her good side just to procure some help in his weaker subjects. So he didn't ask, he just made a point of mentioning how difficult this potion was to make or that charm was to do.

This morning, as they were walking back up to the castle, she had offered to go over some of the charms with him while they did their rounds tonight. He was ecstatic. Not only did it mean he would have help in Charms, but it also meant he would finally have someone to study with. He loved his friends, but they never seemed to struggle with anything and never – under any circumstances – wanted to study or do homework.

He walked down the corridor heading for Defense Against the Dark Arts. He felt his shoulders tense when he heard loud laughing. He closed his eyes, recognizing Sirius' laugh. Please, he thought, please let it not be Lily.

"Come on Evans," he heard James shout. "I really think it's an improvement." The students gathered to watch laughed in response.

Remus caught sight of Lily, who was walking away from the Defense classroom. Her face and hands were covered in painful looking boils. He sincerely hoped they were restricted to what he saw, but he doubted it. James and Sirius were thorough in their hexes, if not in their homework.

He looked over at his friends. "She do something in particular to irritate you?" He didn't think he _quite_ kept anger out of his tone.

The pair looked surprise. "Well," Sirius said, watching her walk off. "She's a Slytherin, isn't she?"

* * *

She showed up, boil free, half way through class. Remus felt his jaw clench when the professor gave her detention for being so late. Sirius and James both sniggered, clearly considering the punishment icing on the cake. No one, not even Lily, said a word in her defense.

She sat staring out the window, ignoring everyone. It had to have been harder today, with students obviously whispering behind their hands and laughing at her. As always, though, when the teacher asked her a question, she answered it perfectly.

* * *

Remus was certain she would skive off on patrol, not wanting anything to do with him. Still, he had gotten there ten minutes early, wanting to make absolutely sure he didn't miss her if she did decide to show. He was surprised when she walked up, five minutes early as always. She didn't say anything to him, just started off in the direction they always did first.

Remus fell into step beside her. "I'm really sorry about –" but she cut him off before he could finish the apology.

"So what Charms did you want to work on tonight?" she asked, as though he hadn't spoken.

"Erm . . ." he said. "Well, I've been struggling a lot with _Silencio._"

She snorted. "Bet that would come in handy round your dorm," she said.

He smiled. It seemed she wasn't going to hold his friends' behavior against him.

"Let me see you try it," she said, waving him on.

He looked at her. "_Silencio_," he said.

She nodded. "Yeah, you're crap at that alright."

He barked out a laugh. Only Lily would call him crap at something in that matter-of-fact voice. He smiled winningly. "Can you help me?"

She shrugged. "I'm a firm believer that the only person who can help you is yourself." When he glowered at her, she rolled her eyes. "But I can offer you a bit of constructive criticism."

"Yes, please," he said.

She considered for a moment. "For starters, you mumble. With any spell it's important to enunciate, but especially with charms. You can't skate over the pronunciation like you can in transfiguration."

He raised his eyebrows. "You don't have to pronounce spells right in Transfiguration?" he asked.

She shrugged. "It's more about visualizing it clearly. With Charms you still have to feel what you want it to do, but it's just as important to tell it what you want it to do."

"If that's the case, how do nonverbal charms work so well?" he asked.

Lily considered. "I think you are still telling it, you just think it rather than say it."

Remus laughed. "I'm sorry, but I've tried nonverbal spells, and you can't just think the word. It doesn't cut it."

Lily shook her head. "Of course not. You have to have a clear mind, and a true understanding of the effect you want to cause, as well as the method of causation, and the underlying emotion associated with the spell."

He stared blankly at her.

She glanced up at the ceiling, letting out a long breath. "You have to feel it. So, for _Silencio_, the overriding emotion and effect are the same. Silence."

"Silence isn't an emotion," he said.

"Sure it is. You know when everything is still, so that all you can hear in the world is your heart beating? The way you feel in that moment, what would you call it?" she asked.

He considered for bit, but gave up, shrugging.

"Silence," she said. "You could call it 'calm', or 'peace', or other things, but it wouldn't be quite right. Those refer to other emotions. Emotions that have more to them or less to them than silence alone. There's nothing to say that silence is peaceful. It can also be dreadful. Like when something terrible happens and all sound seems to drop away. Or it can be exuberant, like when someone is so happy they are at a complete loss for words."

He was staring at her. He guessed he shouldn't be surprised she saw things this way, but somehow he was.

She shrugged. "You have to _feel_ the silence and sort of push it out. Which is where the spell comes in. The words and the movement of your wand are really just an embodiment of the emotion. Doing a charm nonverbally is just doing it without the crutch."

"Give it a try," she said. When he looked panic, she rolled her eyes. "Verbally, you idiot. If you can't manage that, you certainly won't be able to cast it nonverbally."

He stopped walking and leaned back against the wall, imagining how it was to be down in the woods, resting in child's pose, when everything was perfectly still and silent. He waved his wand, enunciating carefully.

He opened his eyes, checking to see if it worked. At his look, she began to move her mouth as though she were speaking. He grinned. Then his eyes widened.

"I don't know the counterspell," he confessed in a stricken voice.

She smiled widely. Pausing for a moment, she seemed to focus inwardly. Then she breathed out slowly.

"Probably you should avoid doing spells on people if you don't know how to take them off," she told him dryly.


	6. Rectified

It was exactly four days after they returned from the Christmas Holiday when he finally figured out how she did it.

They were supposed to meet for patrol. For whatever reason, Remus was running forty minutes ahead of scheduled. He swung into the prefects' bathroom, figuring he might as well bathe while he was waiting for her. He caught a three second glimpse of her dancing around without any music before she raised a wand, ready to hex him.

Recognizing who was standing in front of her, she lowered it slightly.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, clearly annoyed.

"Well," he said, "I had some time to kill, so I figured I'd do you the favor of bathing before you have the dubious pleasure of being around me all night." He grinned. "But I think the real questions is, what are _you_ doing here. Or at least, what _were_ you doing before I walked in?"

She rolled her eyes. "Don't tell me you've never seen dancing?" She was clearly trying to play it off.

He continued smiling. "Dancing I've seen. You dancing, that, I never expected to see." He was not going to let her get by without an explanation.

She glared at him, but he wasn't bothered by it.

"So," he said. "Do you just have internal music playing all the time?" he asked. "Or is it just that you have to _feel_ the emotion of the song, and push it out into you limbs," he teased, waving his arms and legs around like they were full of emotion and mimicking her tone when she lectured him about how best to cast a spell.

She snorted, shaking her head. She turned back to the mirror, reapplying her heavy makeup.

"Why do you do that?" he asked.

She raised an eyebrow, looking at him through the mirror. "Dance? Most people like to dance, even the ones who say they don't. It's a natural, human way of expressing," she paused, rolling her eyes, "emotion."

He grinned in acknowledgment, but shook his head. "No, I meant the makeup. How come you wear so much? I bet you'd look better without it."

She watched him for a moment, but said nothing.

"And the more I think about it, the more I realize I just can't quite believe that your hair is naturally black," he lifted a chunk of it, surprised that her glare didn't burn a whole through him.

"If you shut it about my appearance, I'll answer the first question," she said.

He tried to remember what the first question had been.

"About the internal music," she supplied.

He grinned brightly. "Fair enough."

She stared at him, obviously reconsidering her offer. "If you tell a soul, I will hex you into eternity. I will actually invent hexes that tie you in knots and leave you there for days."

He raised his eyebrows. "Are you about to confess to murder or something? Because, if so, you're probably better off talking to Dumbledore. Me," he said, raising a hand to his chest, "I'm just a lowly student."

She turned to face him. "I'm serious. You have to promise you won't tell anyone. Especially the wanker and the prat."

His eyebrows shot up again. "The wanker and the prat?"

"Potter and Black," she said.

He snorted. Then he thought about it. "Do you have a similar name for me?"

She smiled sweetly. "The git," she answered.

He choked out a laugh. "Fantastic," he said in a bland tone. He shook his head, smiling. "Ok, I promise not to tell anyone, including James and Sirius."

"Or any teachers," she added.

"Or any teachers," he said obediently. "Though, I think they would have been included in the 'anyone' category. It's fairly all encompassing, you see."

She gave him a look that clearly stated he was on thin ice.

"Sorry," he apologized promptly. "Go ahead, wow me with your powers of internal rhythm and lyrics."

She reached up and pulled at her ears, miming handing something to him. He was surprised to feel a solid object slide into his palm. Objects, actually. Two small, soft, round things.

He looked at her, confused.

"Put them in your ears," she said.

Baffled, he complied. Immediately it all made sense. She wasn't fantastic at ignoring people; she just had loud music playing in her ears all the time.

* * *

He spent so much effort pestering her about them over the next week that she finally just made him his own pair. She refused – point blank – to tell him how she did it, though. Apparently she was concerned he would tell people, and then she would lose the refuge of her music. He understood that, and didn't really mind. Especially now that he had his own.

He stood listening to some unfamiliar rock music she had recommended, waiting for her to show up for patrol. He was mildly concerned. She had never been late before. Then again, he'd always had the impression she performed her prefect duties under protest. He would not have been the least bit surprised if she had gotten pissed off with someone and decided to find a quite place to rage or meditate. He shook his head, smiling at the thought. She really was quite a little contradiction.

He waited until twenty minutes past their meeting time. Then he headed back to Gryffindor tower. He couldn't quite shake the tension in his shoulders, and had a great deal more trouble falling asleep that night than he usually did these days. He had a horrible feeling that tomorrow he would hear about some awful prank she had fallen victim to.

* * *

The next morning, he felt his concern sharpen. She wasn't in Transfiguration. And the Slytherins were restive, like a pit of vipers. He wondered if he should ask Professor McGonagall is she knew anything, but didn't want to get Lily in trouble if she was merely skiving off.

"Problem, Mooney?" Sirius asked, looking at him curiously.

"What?" Remus responded.

"You seem," Sirius waved his hand vaguely, "I dunno, like you think someone just shagged your mum, yeah?"

Remus stared at Sirius for a long time.

"Well," Sirius said, grinning, "I admit that may not have been the best comparison. But you take my meaning."

Remus nodded. "I'm just wondering what's got into the Slytherins."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "I thought you would have heard," he said. "But I guess you did come in late to breakfast."

"What?" asked Remus, leaning forward.

"Tomislav Eder was expelled last night," Sirius responded, raising his voice to ensure that the Slytherin's heard him discussing their former housemate.

Remus went very still. "For what?"

Sirius shrugged. "No one knows. Evan's isn't here, though, is she?" he said, warming up to the topic. "Smart money says she was involved and is in trouble too, or she was the one who got him expelled." Sirius stared at the Slytherins speculatively. "I'm betting she's the one that did for him, yeah? They've mentioned her a time or two, and _not _in a nice way."

Remus turned his gaze to the Slytherins, trying not to think too hard about what Tomislav Eder could have done to Lily that would have gotten him expelled.

* * *

Remus spent the next day waiting for Lily to show up to class. By the time he sat down for dinner in the Great Hall, he felt like he had been pulled apart into a load of tiny little strings and then tied into a not. He prowled the halls after dinner, hoping to catch her wandering about. Which was ridiculous, because Lily didn't wander without a purpose, and he'd never seen her about after dinner unless it was for rounds.

An hour after he started his useless wandering, he decided to turn back. She would be doing her yoga tomorrow, just like always. He was sure of it. He wanted very badly to be sure of it.

He entered the common room and sat down in an armchair across from James, who greeted him cheerfully. Remus didn't bother to respond.

"Oi," James said to Sirius. "What's with this one?" he nodded at Remus.

Sirius shrugged. "He's been like that all day. I reckon he thinks Tomislav Eder getting expelled is a sure sign Voldemort will be moving into the school or some such."

James looked baffled. "I think Eder's expulsion is a sign that Voldemort won't be _permitted_ to move on the school. You ask me, they should toss the whole lot out," he said.

Sirius and Peter both nodded in agreement. Remus got out a book and tried to study. He was not up for speculation about Eder at the moment.

He looked up, surprised, when the portrait hole opened a few minutes later. Dumbledore and McGonagall came through, followed – mutinously – by Lily. Remus exhaled a huge breath, collapsing back into his chair and raising a hand to cover his face. She seemed unharmed, if not happy.

"Whoa," Sirius shouted. "Professor, I don't know if you realize, but a Slytherin seems to have attached herself to you. I recommend you kick her off outside the door."

James nodded. "This is Gryffindor territory. Her lot is definitely not welcome."

Dumbledore did not smile. "It seems a grievous error was made in Miss Evans' first year. It has become clear that she should have been sorted into Gryffindor," he held up his hand, and the uproar that followed his statement was immediately silenced. "The mistake has been rectified. Miss Evans is now officially a Gryffindor." Again he raised his hand; again silence fell. "I expect you all," he looked hard at the Marauders, "to make her welcome."

McGonagall nodded. "If I hear so much as a whisper that she is receiving any _sort_ of ill treatment, the entire house will be dealt with most severely," she added.

They spoke with Lily quietly by the door before leaving. Lily seemed to be clenching her jaw very tightly. When the portrait hole shut, she walked silently over to a corner, slid down with her back against the wall, and began to work on homework.

James and Sirius looked at each other, and then rose to walk over to her. Remus followed.

"So, Evans," James began. "What did you do to get Eder kicked out?" he asked.

"Yeah, only" Sirius added, "if it was all some sort of scheme to get in here," he glanced around the common room, "you should know that we can spot a Slytherin when we see one," he said, glancing at James for confirmation.

"Yep," James said, nodded casually. "In fact, I do believe I'm looking at one right now." He raised his wand,

Remus moved in front of them. "Shove off, yeah? You heard Dumbledore and McGonagall."

Sirius sneered. "What, you figure she'll go running to them and get us thrown out too?"

"I figure the Headmaster and the head of our house both just told us to make her feel welcome. I don't know about you, but I tend to think pretty highly of Dumbledore, and I'm not after ignoring a direct request," Remus responded calmly.

James rolled his eyes. "Always the good boy, Mooney." He shrugged. Glancing at Evans, he added, "Just don't expect us to like having a Slytherin about."

When they walked off, Remus smiled apologetically. He crouched down in front of her. "You alright?"

"Fine," she said, not bothering to look up from her book.

Remus stayed there for a moment, but eventually decided she wasn't in the mood for company. He went back over to sit on the couch. James and Sirius, clearly irritated with him for interfering, ignored him. Remus went back to his homework.

After a few minutes, the common room returned to normal. People glanced at Lily occasionally, but said nothing.

An hour or so later, Lily closed her book, put it in her book bag, and rose gracefully. She walked out the door without a second glance back at the common room. Remus had no idea where she spent the night.


	7. Worse and Worse

James was livid. It was such a load of tosh. How could they possibly have just switched a person into Gryffindor? You were sorted into a house for a reason. Evans was sorted into Slytherin. Clearly the reason was that she was a slimy little snake, just like all the rest.

He glared at her as she crossed to her little corner of the common room. She had acted like nothing had changed. She had sat in her normal seat and ignored everyone in each class the day following Dumbledore's announcement. And she had avoided the Great Hall for meals. James couldn't decide if he was angry with her for not jumping at the chance to sit with the Gryffindors or pleased that she had the sense to know when she wasn't welcome.

He looked over at her again. Glancing up at Sirius, he knew that they understood each other. He surveyed the room quickly, making sure Mooney wasn't around to get involved. That boy needed to figure out where his loyalties lay.

James pointed his wand. "Levicorpus," he said quietly, and Evans was hanging upside down in the air.

Sirius barked out a laugh. "I never thought I'd say this," he said, cocking his head, "but she almost has nice legs."

James raised his eyebrows. Turning back to the girl dangling in the air, he was surprised to see that Sirius was right. She was wearing some sort of stretching black material that fit her like a second skin.

James shrugged. "She's still a filthy Slytherin," he said.

Sirius nodded. "Yeah," he grinned, "I like her better like this, though. We can keep an eye on her, and we get a bit of a view as well."

James laughed. "Still," he said. "I'm a bit surprised she's not putting up more of a fight." He couldn't see her face, which he guessed would have been bright red with humiliation, but her body was perfectly still. She was not struggling at all.

Sirius shrugged. "You know Slytherins are crap at everything." He glanced around, bored once more. "Fancy a game of exploding snap?"

Just as James started to agree, the portrait hole swung open. James looked up to see Remus stopped on the threshold, staring at the figure hanging in front of them. James felt mildly sheepish at the expression on his friend's face.

"Let her down," Remus said emotionlessly.

James smiled, wanting to make amends. "Sure," he said, waving his wand. He watched Evans crash to the ground. When Remus continued to hold his gaze, James began to wonder if it had been a bad idea not to cushion her fall just a tad.

Remus looked away from James as Evans straightened herself out. She walked primly over to her bag and, hefting it, headed for the door.

"Lily . . ." Remus said, and James wondered when they'd gotten on a first name basis.

"Don't worry about it," she said. "I wouldn't have expected anything less from _Gryffindors_." Any feelings of guilt vanished. She said the word like it was an insult. She would be lucky to count herself a Gryffindor, James thought

She walked past Remus and out the door. Mooney moved as though to follow her, but she shook her head. He turned back to James and Sirius.

"Listen, mate," Sirius started to say, but Remus cut him off.

"What? Did she _sit_ wrong? I know you aren't actually going to stand there and tell me she did anything to instigate that. I _know," _he growled, "that you would never stand there and lie to me right to my face."

"She's a Slytherin," James shouted. "You heard the way she said Gryffindor just then, like it was something dirty. How can you possibly take her side?"

"What do you expect her to think of Gryffindors, if this is how we treat her?" Remus responded through clenched teeth. "How very _brave_ of you two, attacking a girl for no reason," he added caustically. "Truly courageous."

James glared at him. "She. Is. A. Slytherin."

"Yes, James, she was a bloody Slytherin!" Remus hollered, and James took a step back in surprise. He had never actually seen Remus lose his temper. "Have you thought about that at all?" he shouted. "Have you thought about what it would have been like for her – a muggleborn – in Slytherin these last five years? Have you even considered how bad it must have been for Dumbledore to actually pull her out of Slytherin? He expelled someone and changed which bloody house she was in!"

Remus stared at them, running his hands through his hair. "And your response," he said quietly, "when Dumbledore tries to put her somewhere safe, your response is to torment her _more_. Like she hasn't had enough of that while she's been at Hogwarts." He shook his head.

James opened his mouth to respond, but couldn't seem to formulate the proper words.

Remus walked past them up to the dormitory without another word.

* * *

Remus had already closed his curtains when James and the others went up to the dormitory the night before, and he was up and gone before they woke. He had been getting up early for the past few months, and for the first time, James wondered why. Mooney had never been a good sleeper, but that mostly presented itself in the form of their friend being awake and studying when they roused in the morning. Now James wondered if he had been off with Evans each day.

Merlin, if Mooney was dating her, this was going to be impossible to fix. He bit back a sigh. Even Remus wouldn't date a Slytherin. Of course, if he'd taken bets before last night on which Gryffindor would be the least likely to get into a shouting match with _anyone_, he was quite certain Remus would have been the favorite.

When he got to Transfiguration, Mooney had not yet arrived. Evans was in the back corner, however. James refused to look at her. He was sure this was all her fault. She had probably planned this all with her Slytherin mates the moment she'd been chosen prefect. Not a bad way to cause dissension in the Gryffindor ranks, apparently, as it seemed to have worked quite well.

He glanced up when Remus walked in. His friend considered the empty desk behind James, right next to Peter, where he always sat. He looked back to where Evans was sitting in the corner, surrounded by empty desks. Hefting his bag higher on his shoulder, he went over to sit by Evans.

James shared a look with Sirius. Things were looking worse and worse.

* * *

_I promise this will be L/J, but right now he just sees her as a Slytherin and she just sees him as a bastard. It'll take a bit to get them past all that._

_-Naj_


	8. Safe to Say

Three weeks later, Lily appeared back in the Gryffindor common room only minutes after she had left. This was unusual. Ever since getting switched into the house, she would sit in the common room for somewhere between 30 and 45 minutes before turning around and walking out. She would not appear again until class the next day.

James and Sirius were convinced she only came up at all to spy on them. Remus didn't believe their theory. But then, he knew Lily better than they did.

Remus glanced at the pair playing chess. He hadn't been able to stay angry with them once they stopped overtly mistreating her. He was still uncomfortable with the way they talked about her, but he couldn't walk away from five years of friendship and loyalty over it. After all, they hadn't ditched him when they found out _he_ was a monster.

Lily huffed out a breath and threw herself down on the armchair across from him. He raised his eyebrows. She didn't usually initiate contact, and she almost never sat nearer to other people than absolutely necessary.

"Something wrong?" he asked.

"Only that Dumbledore's an interfering old busy body," she said, in an irritated tone.

"Oi," James cut in. "What are you on about Dumbledore for? He's ten times the wizard you could ever dream of being."

Lily scowled at him. "Yes, well, it's hard to argue with you on that one, seeing as I haven't got a penis."

Sirius snickered at the word.

"Wouldn't put it past you," James mumbled.

Remus closed his eyes, praying for patience.

"Why are of angry with Dumbledore?" he asked, striving for a neutral tone.

Lily made an angry sound. "He actually wants me to _sleep_ here. Says the fat lady will alert him whenever I'm not here after curfew," she grumbled.

"Sounds like a shit deal for your dormmates," Sirius said.

"Could you not?" Remus asked.

Sirius rolled his eyes and turned back to the chess game.

"What's so bad about sleeping here?" Remus asked, looking around the room as though searching for hidden deficiencies.

Lily shrugged, but didn't answer.

"Listen," Remus said, "I know you haven't exactly seen the best of Gryffindor," he ignored the muttering coming from Sirius and James, "but the girls in your dorm are all class, yeah? I don't think you've anything to worry about from them."

Lily just shrugged, pulling out her homework.

Remus smiled. "And anyway, this works out well."

She glared at him.

He handed her his Charms book. "You can help me with my Charms." When she raised an eyebrow, he continued. "I'm having a bit of trouble with _Auguamenti." _

She waved a hand. "Let me see."

"_Auguamenti_," he said, attempting to move the wand as he had been shown in class.

She shook her head. Leaning forward, she covered his wand hand with hers and showed him the proper motion, while carefully enunciating the word.

He attempted again, focusing his mind, articulating clearly, and imitating the motion she had demonstrated. He was surprised to see it work on the first try. He grinned at her.

"Thanks," he said. "What would I ever do without you?"

"Probably fail Charms," she responded in a bored voice, making him laugh.

He glanced around the room, realizing it was unnaturally quiet. Everyone seemed to be staring at them. It occurred to him that they had probably never seen Lily make physical contact with anyone. Certainly not voluntarily, at any rate. Probably they had never heard her joke, either. Of course, they may not have taken her comment in the spirit it was meant.

* * *

James woke up to the sound of screaming. He shot out of bed, the rest of the lads close on his heels. It sounded as though the noise was coming from the girl's dormitory. Just as he reached the bottom of the staircase, the sound stopped. Evans abruptly appeared, followed by the frightened faces of the rest of the fifth year Gryffindor girls.

She was rushing more than he had ever seen her do, and seemed to be shaking as well. Remus stopped her before she got to the portrait.

"What's wrong?" James heard him ask.

She shook her head. When Remus reached out to put a hand on her shoulder, she flinched, jerking out of his reach.

He said something quietly that James couldn't hear, and she seemed to respond in an equally hushed tone.

James glanced over at the rest of the girls.

Marlene shrugged at his unspoken question. "I've no idea what happened," she said, shaking her head. "I think it must have been a nightmare. She was still asleep at first, just screaming bloody murder and sort of thrashing. And then she woke up and seemed to panic more, grabbing her wand and collapsing into a little bundle of terror with her back against the wall."

James glanced over at Evans and saw that she had slid down into her little corner, Remus sitting next to her but still not touching her. He seemed to be speaking again, but James couldn't pick out any words.

"And then she just," Marlene continued, shrugging, "ran. I mean she _bolted_. She slowed down a bit on the stairs, like she was coming to her senses, but I've never seen anyone that scared. And I've never heard anyone scream like that."

"I have," Sirius said. "But only when their under the Cruciatus Curse." No one asked how Sirius might have seen someone subjected to the curse.

James turned his eyes back to Evans, but Sirius pulled at his arm.

"Come on, mate," he said. "I don't reckon she's up for having an audience right now."

James nodded slowly, and he and the others all headed back up to bed. He knew it was safe to say she wouldn't want him anywhere near her.


	9. Help

Remus debated for a couple minutes, but decided it was necessary. He leaned down and shook James' shoulder, waking him.

"Whaaaa?" James asked, blinking and rubbing at his eyes.

"James, do you think I could borrow your cloak for a while?" He heard Sirius stirring, and rushed on, trying not to wake anyone unnecessarily. "Only, I know you don't like Lily, but if she really doesn't feel safe sleeping here, I think it's out of order for Dumbledore to make her. And I thought, you know, that we're a bit big for it, but she could use it to get back out the common room without the Fat Lady knowing, and then Dumbledore wouldn't find out."

James stared at him. Remus wondered if waking him up before sunrise had really been the best plan. He probably should have chosen a time when James was in a good mood.

"Course she can," said Sirius from his own bunk.

Both James and Remus turned surprised eyes to him. Sirius shrugged. "What? She's had a hard enough time, and we haven't made it any easier on her. It's the least we can do."

James nodded. "Yeah, no, it's completely fine. She can just have it for the rest of the year."

"Rest of school," Sirius corrected.

James considered. "That's fine. As long as I get it back once we're done. It's sort of a family heirloom."

Remus was shocked it had worked out so well.

"Thanks, lads, really," he said.

James nodded. "Don't tell her it's mine, though, yeah?" he said, leaning over his bed to reach under and grab the cloak. "I don't think she'd take it, and it seems like it could really help her."

Remus nodded. "Sure. I'll say it's mine then, if that's alright."

James agreed, and Remus took the cloak with effusive thanks, heading out to meet Lily for yoga.

* * *

By the time he got down to the clearing, Lily had already started stretching out. She was fairly well soaked in sweat. Remus figured she had gone for a long run, pushing herself harder than she usually did.

"Hey," he called out, as he approached.

She nodded by way of greeting.

"Listen, before we start, I think I have a solution to your problem," he said.

She sighed. "Honestly, Remus, it was just a dream. It doesn't even begin to approach the level of 'problem.' Could you just let it go, please?"

"Yeah, no, that's fine. I wasn't exactly talking about that, actually. I meant more the problem of not wanting to sleep in the dorm with the other girls," he clarified.

She rolled her eyes. "Let me guess. I should give them a chance. Once I get to know them, I'll realize they're 'class' and won't be uncomfortable around them anymore." Remus did not mistake her sarcasm for sincerity.

"Well, that's not a bad idea, but it doesn't sound like something you'd go in for," he replied in a mock thoughtful tone.

She did another eye roll. "No, it really doesn't."

"So, what I was going to suggest," Remus said casually, "is that you take this invisibility cloak, and I help you sneak out each night." He offered her the cloak.

She stared at the bundle, stared at him, and then looked back at the bundle he held out to her. "Umm . . ."

"Really," he said. "It works. You can test it out today and decide tonight if you want to use it. As long as I go out the portrait for a few minutes, the Fat Lady won't even know you've gone." He shoved the cloak into her hands. "We've done it a million times."

"We?" she asked, running her fingers over the cloak.

"Me, James, Sirius, and Peter," he answered, somewhat apologetically.

"And you expect me to believe they're alright with you giving this to me? More likely they'll set me up and I'll get in twice as much trouble," she said.

Remus shook his head. "Nah. They're on board. Sirius thinks . . ." he looked at her for a moment, and then stared at the ground awkwardly. "Umm . . . Sirius thinks that the way you were screaming means that you've had the Cruciatus curse used on you, and he has really strong opinions about that. Something about a house elf getting punished when he was young." He chanced a look at her face. Her eyes were closed.

"Fantastic," she said, opening them. "Because what I wanted in life was for the _Marauders_ to pity me."

Remus combed his fingers through his hair. "I don't think it's pity exactly. It's more a desire to help."

Lily scowled at them. "I'm not interested in their help," she said, handing the cloak back to him.

"Well it's not their help, is it?" He said. He knew he shouldn't be raising his voice, but the whole situation made him angry. "It's mine. And it's only fair. You help me with Charms, and yoga, and whatever else I need help with. All I want to do is loan you a stupid cloak so you don't have to sleep somewhere that gives you nightmares."

She stared at him.

"Look, I'm sorry. I just. . . " He lifted his hands, palms up. "It's a really small thing, you know, and if it makes you happier . . ."

She snorted. "I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't really _do_ happy."

He smiled. "Well then, back to your normal unhappy self, at any rate."

She nodded, shoving the cloak in her bag. "When do you need me to return it by?"

"End of school, is all. You can keep it until we finish seventh year," he responded.

She glanced at him, and then looked back at the ground. "Thanks," she said, still not looking at him.

"My pleasure," he grinned, knowing perfectly well she wouldn't see it.

* * *

_So, thanks to those of you who have reviewed. Just out of curiosity, would anyone prefer this to be a Lily/Remus fic? I'm not saying I would do it, because I've got an end in mind already, but Vivi Fontaine, GrowingHope, and Ms. Jackson have all made comments that make me wonder if people would like a story that went that route. Hmmm . . . Thoughts?_

Naj


	10. As Always

_A few weeks later_

* * *

It was guilt that made him do it really. James was only paying attention to her because he felt bad about all the times they'd hexed her and pranked her. It really only made it worse though.

Since starting to actually notice to her, he hadn't seen her look happy even once. Every once in a while she would smile sardonically at Remus. For reasons that James could not even begin to understand, this always irritated him. Remus had been involved in the majority of the pranking. James didn't know why he got smiles, even if they weren't exactly sincere.

She never talked in class, unless asked a direct question by a teacher. She would, occasionally, catch Remus' eye and mouth something to him. This also irritated James. He assumed that his frustration was over the fact that he could never make out the words. Of course, Remus seemed to understand them just fine. Remus was practically perfect.

James rolled his shoulders, consciously trying to relax. He had been directing a lot of anger toward Mooney lately. It was really unfair. Just because his friend had caught on first, and started being nice to Lily before he found out about the whole Cruciatus thing, it wasn't a reason to be angry with him. In fact, it really _should_ be a reason to be happy with him.

James glanced over at the boy in question, who was currently sitting cross-legged on the floor with Lily. They were talking quietly. James assumed it was about Charms, based on the book laid out next to them, but what did he know? They could have been planning a party for all they would have told him.

He scrubbed a hand through his hair, turning back to his homework with determination. He would not look in their direction again, he promised himself.

* * *

_And a while after that . . ._

_

* * *

_

She had taken to eating with the Gryffindors. James was certain Remus had talked her into it. He had no idea how.

James glanced at them out of the corner of his eye. She still didn't really talk, but every once in a while he would catch a comment she made to Remus under her breath. He had to give her credit, she was actually quite funny.

He considered her, trying not to let her see him looking. He hadn't realized how smart she was until she started helping Remus with his Charms. It was more talent, really, James thought, than intelligence. Not that she wasn't bright, just that she was extraordinarily talented. James guessed that everyone had assumed she wasn't, just as he had. A lot of the other students were beginning to notice, which meant they hadn't known before either.

He couldn't really blame himself for not realizing. For the life of him, he couldn't understand how someone with that sort of talent could allow people to torment her all the time. He shook his head, risking another glance in her direction.

He had spent a lot of time lately trying to decide if she was pretty or not. In a purely objective sort of way, of course. They had obviously determined that she had an excellent figure, he thought, feeling his stomach heave at the memory. It was not one of his better moments.

James almost fell off his seat when Sirius waved a hand in front of his face.

"Whoa, Padfoot, are you trying to kill me here?" James said, clutching a hand to his heart. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Lily glance in their direction before obviously deciding to ignore them. Fantastic, James thought. He comforted himself with the thought that at least she couldn't really think any less of him, given that she already considered him scum. Cold comfort, that was.

Sirius shrugged. "I tried calling your name, but you were off in fantasy land." Sirius leaned in conspiratorially. "I'll forgive you if you tell me who the subject was?" he wiggled his eyebrows.

James shook his head quickly. "Nah. Nothing like that. I was just trying to decide," he lowered his voice to a whisper, "if Evans is pretty or not."

Sirius raised both eyebrows. Turning his head, he tilted it and stared straight at her. James wished he would at least pretend to be subtle.

"Well," Sirius said, seeming to have come to a conclusion. "I think she might have an alright face, if you over look the gunk she puts on it. The hair is absolute crap, though."

James scowled at him. "Can we try to be a bit nicer, mate?" he said out of the corner of his mouth.

Sirius grinned. "What? I wasn't insulting her. I was just stating a fact."

"What's wrong with black hair?" James asked, glancing at her again. Thankfully, she didn't seem to be paying them any mind.

"Nothing," Sirius said, running a hand through his own dark locks. "Nothing at all. But hers is absolute shite."

"Oi!" James said. "How do you call that anything but an insult," he whispered furiously.

Sirius shrugged. "It's just hair, mate. If she wanted it to look nicer, I imagine she could do it." He shoved a sausage in his mouth. "My bet is she just doesn't care."

James followed Sirius' lead and returned to eating. He resolved not to think about her for the rest of the day, but he was pretty sure it would be an empty promise. As always.


	11. Wanker

The wanker would not stop staring at her. She had accepted that her music would be impossible to listen to while everyone got over the shock of her being switched into Gryffindor, but this was getting ridiculous. It had been months now and everyone else had moved on, but the bloody wanker just kept _staring_.

He tried to be sneaky about it, too. He never looked at her straight on. Her music would stutter and stop, and she'd take a discreet look around. He would _seem_ to be studying, or chatting with his friends, or doing whatever bloody marauders do, but then she'd catch him glancing at her.

She had half a mind to ask Remus what his problem was, but that would mean admitting she had noticed the wanker staring at her. And she was absolutely not willing to admit that.

She sat in Transfiguration staring out the window. God, what she wouldn't give to be out on the grounds on a gorgeous day like this.

"Peter, seriously, how can you possibly still be struggling? It's _basic_," the wanker was saying. Loudly. The boy couldn't modulate his volume to save his life. Everything had to be said at the top of his lungs. Lily assumed it was in the hope of keeping everyone's attention. Wanker, she thought.

"I got it on the first try," he was saying, raising a hand dramatically to his chest. He proceeded to demonstrate the spell he had mastered so quickly. Lily rolled her eyes. She wasn't sure she had ever seen anyone so conceited.

She glanced at Remus. He didn't seem to be listening to them. He looked around the room, as though something had gotten his attention. Her suspicions were confirmed. The git was listening to music with the spell on.

She glared at him. It was bad enough she couldn't listen, but to watch him benefit from her invention when she wasn't able to, that was a bit like pouring salt in an open wound.

She lifted her quill and did a quick nonverbal spell. On her parchment, she wrote:

_Is the wanker always this full of himself?_

She glanced at Remus, who looked around at her. She pointed to the sheet in front of her and nodded at him. When he didn't respond, she mouthed "look at your parchment" to him. He glanced down, and then immediately looked back up.

He scrunched up his nose and then gave a quick nod.

"Pretty much" he mouthed back at her. He added something else, but Lily couldn't sort it out. She directed as spell at his materials. Making sure McGonagall was occupied, she pointed significantly to her quill and parchment, nodding at his own.

He picked up his quill and began writing, clearly somewhat baffled. Lily saw words appear on her parchment.

_He's really pretty decent, when he's not hexing people. And you have to admit, he's been better about that lately._

Lily did not think she had to admit anything. In her opinion, the wanker had actually become more annoying. The hexing was no more than once or twice a week. This staring bit was _constant._

She saw more of Remus' casual scrawl appear on her parchment.

_In terms of him being full of himself, I think it's just that he's always been so bloody __good__ at everything._

Lily sent him another glare. Please, she thought. She wrote a few words on her parchment.

_I'm good at everything, and I don't feel the need to __shout__ about it._

She watched Remus' back shake. At least he could laugh at the wanker when it was appropriate. She glanced down at the sheet in front of her. More words were appearing.

_No, apparently you're more of a written word kind of girl._

She rolled her eyes, fighting off a smile. She only bothered to write one word: _Git._

She glanced up as McGonagall assigned the homework. Lily didn't expect it to be a problem. The nice thing about having no friends and never participating in activities was that she had plenty of time to improve her magic. It was with good reason that she was at the top of the class, and the wanker had to eat her dust.

* * *

_A month later . . ._

James was sitting in the common room, watching Lily surreptitiously as he played chess with Sirius. After much consideration, James had decided that she was _sort of_ pretty. He wasn't willing to say it without qualification, because he just didn't know. She never took the junk of her face. And he had to admit that Sirius was right about her hair. It really was _shite_. It was just all wrong for her. He didn't know what right would be, but something about it looked off.

"Looking forward to the Hogsmeade trip?" Sirius asked, directing a pawn to move one square.

James shrugged. "Eh," he said. "Kind of loses a bit of its luster after a well, doesn't it?"

Sirius nodded. "I could do with a bit of sweets though, yeah?"

"Are you talking about Honeydukes or the sixth year Hufflepuff," James joked.

Sirius grinned. "Who says it has to be either or?" he asked cheerfully. "People are always assuming things are mutually exclusive, when really they make an _excellent_ combination."

James shook his head. "You do try to make the most of life," James said, smiling.

"Of course!" Sirius responded. "These are dire times, and I really feel that it's my duty to ensure that none of these girls have to fear facing the Death Eaters with their virginity intact."

James, who had made the very poor decision of trying to take a drink when Sirius was talking, choked on his pumpkin juice and then spit the remainder out of the floor, hacking up half of a lung in the process. He tried very hard not to glance in Lily's direction. It was too much to hope that she wouldn't have noticed. That girl saw everything, even if she never commented on it. Every bad thing, at any rate. He never got the impression that she ever caught him doing anything impressive.

"Alright, Prongs?" Sirius asked, patting him hard on the back.

"Yeah," James managed, nodding. He directed a knight to take one of Sirius' bishops.

"Aw," Sirius said, watching the battle. "Cold, mate. Cold." He said, shaking his head. "Diverting my attention and then taking out the clergy. Absolutely frigid."

James grinned. "All's fair in war and wizard's chess," he said.

Sirius scrunched up his eyebrows, feigning bafflement. "I'm not _quite_ sure that's how the saying goes."

James was about to respond when her heard someone laugh. At first he thought he must have misjudged the direction, but when he turned to look, he discovered he hadn't. Evans was laughing. And it was a great laugh. James stared at her. It was warm, and happy, and so completely not Evans. It lit up her whole face, and she looked like an entirely different person.

She glanced around the room, laughter dying out. James, reluctant to take his eyes off her, scanned the other faces quickly. Everyone looked shocked. There were a lot of open mouths and wide eyes.

She looked down at her lap, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. Reassessing, James decided he didn't mind her black hair so much. He liked it when she did that. She always tried to come across so tough, but every once in a while she just seemed kind of shy.

He watched her rise gracefully. Everything she did managed to be smooth. She said something to Remus as she packed up her books. Without a second look at the common room, she calmly exited. James wished he could figure out where she went each night. He wished he figure out anything to do with her.

* * *

_Anyone who thought this chapter was going to be about actual wanking has earned a huge grin. _

_-Naj_


	12. Prior Claim?

Remus headed back to the common room after yoga. Lily had gone off to wherever she went. He was trying not to pry, but it was starting to drive him insane. He was beginning to think he would have to accept that there were places in the school that Lily knew about that he didn't. More shockingly, there were places she had discovered that the Marauders hadn't.

He said the password and climbed through the portrait hole. And stopped in his tracks when he saw James sitting in one of the armchairs.

"Alright, Remus?" James fair to shouted. Remus blinked. James had been weird ever since he had found out Remus was friends with Lily, but this was especially pronounced.

"Yeah," Remus replied in a friendly tone. "How are you?"

James nodded. "Good, yeah," he said. "So, where've you been?" he asked in a faux casual voice.

Remus raised his eyebrows. "I was just down on the grounds with Lily," he said.

James looked ready to explode. "Down on the ground? Is that some euphemism for shagging?" James shouted indignantly. "I'm sure she wouldn't think so highly of you if she knew this is how you talked about her."

Remus blinked. "On the _grounds_, James," he clarified, waving a hand toward the window. "As in the Hogwarts grounds."

"Oh," said James. "Right. So, no shagging?" he asked, voice soft and – if Remus hadn't misinterpreted – a bit hopeful.

Remus stared at him. "James," he said carefully, "is it possible you _like_ Lily?" he asked.

James shook his head quickly, lifting both hands in a gesture of surrender. "No, course not, mate, I wouldn't try to steal your . . . you know. Obviously you've got a prior claim."

Remus opened his mouth, but couldn't make any words come out. He tried again. "Umm . . ." Well, that was an improvement at least, he thought. It was a sound after all, if not actually a word.

"Right," said James, shoving his hands through his hair and looking desperately awkward. "I'll just," he gestured vaguely toward the stairs and turned to go, seeming absolutely miserable.

"I don't," Remus shouted, panicking. When James stopped, he rushed on. "Have a prior claim, that is. I mean, we're friends, but that's it. She's a bit like my sister." Remus knew he was babbling, but couldn't seem to stop. "At least, well, I don't have a sister, and Lily doesn't like hers. But I'm assuming it's how it would be if you had a sister and you got on well with her."

James turned around, smiling brilliantly. "Really?" he said.

Remus nodded. "So, I take it that's a yes to liking her?"

James' smile vanished. "Yeah," he shrugged unhappily. "But it won't really matter will it. Even if she's fair game," he said, "she still thinks I'm a right bastard."

"Wanker, actually," Remus corrected with a grin.

James' eye widened. "She's talked about me?" he said.

Remus laughed out loud. "Only you," he replied, shaking his head, "would be excited that a girl you like has talked about you, when what she did was call you a wanker."

James shrugged. "Well, that's just basic biology. If you can show me a bloke who doesn't wank on occasion . . ." he trailed off, clearly unwilling to contemplate it any further or any level.

Remus chuckled. "Fair play, I suppose. But I don't think she meant it in the literal sense."

James nodded, accepting. "Has she said anything else?" he asked, excitedly.

"Only that she thinks you're full of yourself and you always have to shout about it," Remus responded apologetically.

"Right," James nodded. "So, if I were going to work on the problem over the summer holiday, that should be my focus then, yeah?" James asked. "You know, getting my ego under control?"

Remus stared at him. "You're embarking a self-improvement plan over the summer?" he asked, disbelieving.

"Well," James shrugged, "I know I haven't really got a shot, but I figure maybe if I practice being a bit more modest and . . ."

"Considerate," Remus suggested.

James nodded. "So she likes blokes who are considerate, eh?" he confirmed, appearing to file this away.

"I think most girls like blokes who are considerate," Remus returned, smiling.

James looked unconvinced. "I dunno. Mostly I think they go for confidence. It's why Sirius and I have never had any trouble." He shrugged. "But with Lily, I'm so far in the hole I'm willing to try some unconventional options."

Remus stared at him. Shaking his head slowly, he ventured another question. "How exactly are you going to _practice_ being modest and considerate over the summer?"

"Don't know, do I?" James responded. "That's why I'm doing it over the summer, yeah? So when I come back, maybe she'll just think I'm a different person."

Remus sighed. "I don't think she'll just forget all the other stuff because of one summer away, James."

"I know," James nodded. "But maybe she'll think I've grown as a person, like. Women are always on about how they want to change a man. Maybe if I get a bit more in line with what she likes, she'll forgive me for all the other stuff?" He ended on an uncertain but optimistic note.

Remus gave him an apologetic look. "I wouldn't get your hopes up too high, mate." He clapped his friend on the back when James stared down at the ground. "But anything I can do to help."

James looked up immediately. "Really? Fantastic," he said, not waiting for a response. "So you said she doesn't like her sister. Is there a story there? What else can you tell me about her?" He asked, right on the heels of the other question.

Remus immediately regretted his offer to help. This was going to be a very long summer.

* * *

_Sorry to disappoint Miss ViviFontaine, but I'm inclined to agree with Ms. Jackson, Kri, and AwesomePants2.0._

_GrowingHope, I thought about it, but I think James would have a hard time dating someone one of his friends had dated. He's too loyal. Clearly I don't think this about Sirius, but that's just because he's a bit of dog. No pun intended there, honest. I couldn't think of a better description. _

_-Naj  
_


	13. Back to Black

_September the first . . . Sixth Year_

* * *

When he arrived at Kings Cross, James' eyes immediately sought a certain black haired girl with heavy makeup. He couldn't spy her anywhere, though. His mum immediately noticed the look and chuckled.

"Ah," she said. "Are we about to see the reason for all your summer thoughtfulness, my darling James?" she asked, teasing.

"Mum," he grumbled.

Kissing her swiftly on the cheek and hugging his dad, James ran off to find Remus. He would definitely be the likeliest person to help him find her.

James collided with Sirius in his rush to locate Remus. He had been hoping to catch the prefect before he had to go into one of their meetings. James waved goodbye to this plan as he said hello to Sirius.

"Found her yet?" Sirius asked, not even bothering to return the greeting.

James shrugged. "Nah," he said. "I bet they've already started their stupid meeting."

Sirius clapped him on the back. "Well, short of staking out the prefect's carriage and waiting to catch a glimpse of her when she leaves . . ." he trailed off at James' look. "Why do I feel like this conversation is going to end with us camped out in front of the prefect's carriage, so you can try to catch a glimpse of her when she leaves?"

James grinned. "What? We can play exploding snap in the hall as well as we can in a carriage," he said, dragging Sirius off.

With Sirius shaking his head and grumbling the whole time, they managed the make the corridor a fairly comfortable area to lounge in. Peter came and found them shortly before they finished their first game.

Remus poked his head out the door of the carriage during their second game. Assessing the situation, he closed his eyes. "James," he said.

"Yeah?" James responded cheerfully.

Remus sighed, stepping into the hall and closing the carriage door. "Just, try to have this cleaned up by half ten, yeah? I don't think it's going to help your situation if she finds you playing a children's game in the hall. Outside our carriage. Where we are trying to do work. And people might reasonably find the sound of explosions distracting."

"Right," James nodded. Sirius and Peter shared and eye roll.

"And, James," Remus added. "Try not to overreact to . . . erm . . . anything," he said, heading back into the carriage before James could respond.

James looked at the other two. "What do you think that meant? 'Try not to overreact' Remus said. What does he mean by that? What would I overreact to?"

"Anything and everything, mate," Sirius responded, returning to the game. Peter nodded his agreement.

James scowled. He would just have to show them all how mature he'd gotten. He spent the next little while imagining how shocked everyone would be by his new demeanor.

When the door opened, he glanced up. He scanned the faces for Lily, but didn't see her. Remus hadn't come out yet. James chanced a look in the carriage, thinking she might have stayed behind to talk to him.

He shook his head. The only other person in there was a redhead. James was baffled. For a moment he thought maybe she wasn't a prefect any longer, but then Remus would have said so when they spoke earlier.

Thrown, he continued to watch the redhead chat to Remus. When she turned around, he stopped breathing. Bloody Merlin and all the magicians who came before him, he thought. It was her. It was Lily, but without the gunk and with _red_ hair.

Immediately he knew this was how she really looked. This was _her_. And she was gorgeous. This was fantastic, he thought, watching her walk out. She ignored him, naturally.

James glanced at Sirius to gage his reaction. His friend's head was turned, watching Lily walk away with a slightly dazed expression on his face. James could only assume he looked the same. This was terrible.

Remus stopped in front of them, hands in his pockets, watching them with amusement. "And how are you lads, today?" he asked.

"You have to make her change it back," James said, immediately.

Remus blinked at him, as Sirius and Peter both swung their heads around to stare at him in bafflement.

"I mean it. You have to convince her to change it back. To put all the crap back on her face," he mimed rubbing something on his own, "and turn her hair back to black." He gestured wildly at his hair.

"Are you out of your bloody mind?" Sirius asked, shocked. "She looks stunning. Why would you want to ruin it?"

James was panicking, he knew he was panicking. But the thing about panic is that awareness of the problem doesn't decrease it. "I didn't have a chance _before_," he said desperately. "Now?" he said. "Every bloke in the school will want to shag her." He stared beseechingly at Remus. "If I ask her out now, she'll think it's just because she came back all . . ." he groped for an appropriate descriptor.

"Dazzling" Peter supplied.

"Gorgeous," suggested Remus.

"Shaggable," offered Sirius.

Glaring at Sirius, who simply grinned in response, James nodded. "Exactly."

"Honestly, mate," Remus said thoughtfully, "I don't know that you're really that much worse off than any other blokes in the school. The best any of them can hope for is that they weren't on her radar before now. But she's pretty observant. And from what I can tell, there's really no one here she thinks much of at all."

"See that mate," Sirius said cheerfully, putting a bracing hand on James' shoulder. "Even Moony doesn't think this changes anything. And well all know Moony was a born pessimist."

James looked around for support. "Same game plan, then?" he asked.

All three of the lads nodded. Well, James thought, at least that was decided.

* * *

_Hope I didn't disappoint with the hair effect :-)_

_-Naj  
_


	14. Worthless?

It was three months into the new term when Lily heard Sirius complaining loudly about having to put up with his brother over the holiday.

She looked up from her studying. She had grown more comfortable in the common room, and was now willing to stay for longer stretches. At the moment, it was fairly late. She and Remus were working on a Transfiguration essay together.

The wanker and the prat were playing a game of chess. And talking at the top of their lungs, as they always did. At least this lot didn't think she had forgotten what arseholes they were.

Lily tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, rolling her eyes at the memory of a seventh year Hufflepuff asking her out. It was almost as though the rest of the student body had developed amnesia. Just because they suddenly thought the world of her didn't mean she had forgotten their true colors.

She tried to tune out the wanker and the prat, but they were really very distracting. She gave up and began doodling, eavesdropping on their conversation.

"It's not my parents that are the problem," Sirius was saying. "Well, yes, it _is _them that are the problem, but they aren't what bother me the most. Regulus is what bothers me the most. He's such a worthless little git," he said.

James nodded. "Yeah. Bad luck, there mate. You figure he would have had a chance if he'd been sorted into a proper house?" he asked. Lily saw him freeze, seem to realize exactly what he'd said, and glance her way. She continued doodling as though she hadn't heard anything. "Not that everyone who gets sorted into Slytherin is worthless or anything," he added. "Just, you know, that Regulus is."

"Dunno," Sirius shrugged, ignoring James' equivocating. "Maybe he was a lost cause from the beginning."

Lily set her pen down with a snap, looking up at them. "Did you even bother to give him a chance?" she asked. They both turned to stare at her, shocked. It was possible this was the first time she had ever initiated a conversation. She hissed out an angry breath. "Or did you just write him off the moment he was sorted into Slytherin?"

"Whoa, Lily," James raised both hands defensively. "Like I said, it's not that we think everyone the hat puts in Slytherin is bad. I mean," he said, "obviously you're –"

"I would think," Lily said, cutting him off and glaring at Sirius, "that you would give your _brother_ a bit more of a chance than that."

"Well what you _think_," Sirius shouted over James' attempts to quiet him, "pales in comparison to what I _know_."

Lily snorted derisively. "And what is that, Black? What is it that you _know_ that makes you so sure your brother is completely worthless?"

"I know he can't wait to run off and join the Death Eaters," Sirius shouted. "I know he runs around practicing unforgivable curses on anything he can get his slimy little hands on."

"Do you?" Lily said quietly. "Because it seems to me, of the two of us, I'm a lot more likely to know how the students who aim to be Death Eaters practice their curses."

Sirius stared at her, mouth working, but no sound coming out. She refused to look at the wanker.

"And what I know, is that of the whole lot I came across, Regulus is the only one who ever tried to help me," she said.

Sirius looked taken aback. "You're telling me Regulus actually stood up to those gits for you?"

Lily shook her head. "That's the problem with you Gryffindors. Sometimes I think you really don't understand fear. You're all geared up to go fight, and it doesn't seem to occur to you that there are times when all fighting does is get you hurt."

"So he just watched them?" Sirius asked. "And I'm supposed to think he's not worthless?"

Lily shook her head again, trying to make him understand. "What was he supposed to do against a common room full of people?" she asked. She watched him for a moment. "You've told me what you suspect," she said. "I'll tell you what I know. I _know_ that he was one of very few Slytherins who seemed to have a problem with what was done to me. And I _know" _she continued, before he could interrupt, "that he doesn't like the idea of torturing people, or killing people. And I know," she said holding up a hand to stop him speaking, "that out of every student in this school, he was the _only _one who ever bothered to try to help me."

Sirius just stared at her.

"He did a hell of a lot more for me than you lot, and your grand schemes to bring down Voldemort," she said.

Sirius shook his head. "But that's just it. Even knowing how it is, what _he_ is, Regulus still wants to run off and join the Death Eaters."

Lily lifted a shoulder in a half shrug. "At fifteen, most people are too scared of being ostracized to go against their friends in anything. You're expecting that he'll pit himself against most of the people in his house. The people who sleep in the same dorm as him, share a common room with him, and eat at the same table with him. Do you _want_ him to be killed?" she asked. "Do you want him to be tortured?"

"I want him to understand the some things are worth dying for." Sirius responded softly.

"But you aren't willing to show him that, are you?" she said. "You want him to just come around to what you think of as the right way of thinking, when _everyone_ he knows tells him different."

"I don't run around saying Voldemort's got the right idea," Sirius shouted indignantly.

"But what are you to him?" Lily asked coldly. "You can't be much of a brother, if five minutes ago you were calling him worthless," she said, shoving her books in her bag.

"That's bollocks," Sirius yelled, pushing off James' restraining arm to stand. "I was a great brother. He's the one decided to tow the family line."

She paused on the way to the door, looking back. "The family line, Sirius. His friends and his family are all telling him one thing, and you're the only person saying anything different. Except I bet you don't talk to him at all, do you?" She shook her head, pulling open the portrait and heading off to bed.


	15. Lily Watching

It was very strange. Something about the blowup with Lily had caused Sirius to take a genuine liking for her. Apparently he had made an effort with Regulus over the break, and discovered that his brother might actually have some potential after all.

James thought the situation was fraught with problems. Now that they were back in school, Regulus had returned to spending most of his time with his friends. Sirius, of course, was angry about this because most of Regulus' friends were miniature Death Eaters.

Sirius must have taken Lily's comments to heart, though, because he continued to maintain a relationship with Regulus. James thought he was trying to convince him not to join Voldemort. He sincerely hoped Sirius would succeed, but couldn't bring himself to really expect it. Slytherins were slytherins, with one obvious exception.

That exception happened to be sitting in front of him in Defense Against the Dark Arts. James thanked his lucky stars for the good luck that had brought them a teacher who did assigned seating. He now had an excuse to stare at Lily for an hour straight, several times a week.

Sirius told him his interest was bordering on an obsession, but James couldn't help it. If anything, the fight with Sirius had only increased James' attraction to her. It turned out she did have a spine. And she knew how to speak her mind.

And the more James thought about it, he decided he didn't mind the changes to her appearance one bit. She was asked out on a regular basis, but she turned every single one of the idiots down in no uncertain terms. Watching her reject people was one of his new favorite pastimes. Though it did result in the occasional nightmare.

James looked around when he felt something connect with the back of his head. Sirius had thrown a crumpled up piece of paper at him, and was now gesturing at his parchment.

James glanced down. He saw words scrawled across his page in Sirius' untidy handwriting.

_I've thought it through, and I've decided we are definitely due for a bit of fun this weekend._

James glanced back at his friend, nodding enthusiastically. He scribbled a response.

_I'm thinking a party in the common room. Jungle themed, yeah?_

James looked back at Lily. He wondered if there was any way she could be talked into coming. It would have to be Remus who tried, obviously. She seemed to be getting on better with Sirius, but trading witty repartee is not that same as being willing to go to a party because someone suggested it. He thought Remus was definitely his man.

He glanced back down at his parchment to find Sirius' reply waiting for him.

_Why jungle themed?_

James smiled to himself as he began scribbling an answer. When the teacher began to circulate near him, James carefully slid the parchment under his book, seeming to focus on the reading. As soon as the teacher had gone, James returned to his response.

_Was talking to Fenwick the other day. He said he went to a muggle party over the holiday where they had something called 'jungle juice.' Apparently they soak fruit in very strong alcohol, and add in some juice. Fenwick says it'll knock anyone off their feet with just a few glasses. And it's supposed to be quite tasty._

Knowing that it would be a moment before Sirius responded, given that the teacher had moved over to his side of the classroom now, James returned to Lily watching. She was working away quite studiously. James noticed that she seemed to be working out of a seventh year book, and doubted very much that the professor knew about it. She took initiative, Lily did.

James checked his parchment, smiling at Sirius' reply.

_Excellent. You get the recipe from Fenwick. We'll make it on Friday. I'll spread the word._

James did a quick vanishing spell, giving Sirius a thumbs up over his shoulder. He was fairly sure he'd have a good time this weekend, even if Remus couldn't talk Evans round to coming.


	16. Moony

_Sixth year, Beginning of June_

_

* * *

_

Remus and Lily flowed between their yoga poses. At this point, she really didn't have to correct Remus much at all. He had really taken to the practice.

He drew his thoughts back, focusing on his breathing and the position of his body. As he finished up, he quickly transitioned into Savasana. He rested there, eyes closed, simply breathing. He knew it was Lily's favorite part of the day, but he could never manage to stay awake.

When it was time to head up, Lily rolled into a sitting position. Remus, as always, was asleep. She kicked him – none too gently – in the side.

"What? Whoa. Sorry," he said, rising as well. "I can't help it," he grinned, "It's just so relaxing."

Lily smiled back at him. It was obvious she found it harder to control that instinct lately. Remus thought she really had to fight to keep the damn things off her face.

"So," Remus began awkwardly, as he always did just before full moon. "I'll be gone for the next few days," he said. "My mum's sick again, and I've got to –"

"Remus," Lily cut in. "I'm a pretty bright girl, you know."

He looked surprised. "Yeah. No one doubts that, Lily. Trust me."

"I'm not looking for an ego-boost here, Remus," she said, nudging him with her elbow as they began walking. "I'm saying that you're gone once a month, every month, for exactly the three days surrounding the full moon. I can put two and two together quite well, actually."

Remus stopped walking. She turned to face him.

"It isn't a problem for me," she assured him. "I just don't see any reason you should have to try to make up excuses for me each month."

He shoved his hands in his pockets.

"I know I should have told you," he said. "I know people have a right to know, it's just-"

"Who told you people have a right to know?" she asked, indignant. "If it was bloody Potter and his cronies, I've half a mind to march up there and give them a piece of my . . . mind," she finished somewhat lamely.

Remus was grinning at her. "Don't think you'd have much mind left at that point," he said.

"Har har," she responded. "Git."

He starting walking again, smile still secure on his face. "They never said that, you know?" he said. "The lads. They were all really great about it actually. James and Sirius sorted it out, same as you did. I absolutely panicked when they told me they knew. I thought I was going to be thrown out of school. For certain I thought they'd never want to be near me again. I was _sure_ I'd have to be put off in my own dorm, quarantined, like," he explained. "But they were really class. Sirius just asked what it was like to transform."

Lily rolled her eyes, but Remus thought he might have earned the boys some points with her this morning.

They parted ways when they got in the castle. Remus still had no idea where she would go when she went off by herself. He'd given up even trying to sort it out.

He pondered "the Lily situation," as Sirius had dubbed it, as he walked back to the common room. She had really blossomed quite well this year. She spoke voluntarily now, and she looked much more comfortable in her own skin.

James, of course, hadn't made any progress. Sad to say, but if anyone had, it was Sirius. Lily seemed approving of his attempts to help guide his brother toward what Sirius called 'the side of righteousness.' The boy did have a flare for the dramatic.

Remus was still holding out hope for James, though. He had actually done a great job of maturing over the year. He was really decent to everyone at this point, popular or no. Even the professors had started to notice. And Remus thought Lily might not completely hate the quidditch captain any more. But she definitely hadn't warmed to him at all. Remus was really hoping for neutral, and he wasn't too sure of that.

What James really needed was an excuse to be around her more, Remus thought. Right now, they were always with other people. Remus was sure that Lily would change her opinion of his friend, if she ever had to interact with him regularly one on one.

* * *

_That summer_

"Oi! Moony," someone shouted. Remus thought it sounded like James.

He glanced around his bedroom. Mostly, people didn't come here. He was relieved to find that the room was relatively tidy. Apparently his mum's rule that "cleanliness was a constant battle, because you never knew who would walk through the door" was a valid one, even if you were a teenage werewolf.

Remus rose from the bed, shoved the book he had been reading – _How to Get the Girl –_ into the closet, and went to greet James. If his friend knew that half of Remus' advice came from summer research, he might not be willing to try it.

Remus swung the door open and headed out through the living room. He could see James peering in through the window by the door. Shaking his head, he went to let him in.

"Hey," he said, "What's going on? Is everything alright?"

"Oh, yeah, yeah," said James, grasping his hand and saying hello. "Well, no, it's all a bit messed up, isn't it?"

Remus raised his eyebrows as James came in the room.

"Did you get your letter from Hogwarts?" James asked, flopping into an armchair.

Remus gave him a baffled look. "Yeah, but it wasn't mess up at all," he said, sitting down across from him.

"No?" James responded, clearly relieved. "So they made you head boy, then, yeah?"

Remus shook his head. "No," he said. "Why would you assume that?"

James shrugged, irritated. "You're the good one," he said. "You get good grades, you always behave, you help out other students. You're a bloody prefect. It should be you."

Remus shrugged. "There's lots of people that fit that description, James. Including you, these days."

James stared at him, taken aback. "Well, I thought you had more sense than Dumbledore at least."

"Huh?" Remus was completely lost at this point. "James, what's this all about?"

James pulled something out of his pocket. Remus leaned over to get a look at it. It was the Head Boy badge. He looked up, smiling. "Well done, James."

James shook his head. "But it should be you, mate," he said, offering it to Remus.

Remus just laughed. "I don't think those things are transferable. Anyway, this is great," he said enthusiastically. When James only shook his head, Remus continued. "It's the perfect excuse for you to spend time with Lily."

"Lily?" James asked.

"Yeah," Remus responded, smiling. "She wrote me the other day to tell me. Thinks Dumbledore's off his rocker, same as you, actually. Don't know how she got her letter before you," Remus shrugged.

James scratched at the back of his neck. "Well, I've had it a few days. I was just trying to decide how to tell you. And I thought I should do it in person, so that took some arranging."

Remus smiled, clapping him on the back. "Listen, mate, I wasn't expecting it. I don't need it. And I'm ecstatic that this will give you a chance to get close to Lily."


	17. Temporary Loss of Control

_Seventh Year - October_

She was sure she wasn't imagining it. His hand was definitely inching closer and closer to hers. He must have moved it every time she looked down at her parchment, because every time she looked up, it was closer.

He was also extraordinarily tense. Enough years doing yoga, and Lily was well able to sense undo tension in others. She felt a horrible urge to shout "boo" the next time he tried to move it closer, just to see how high he would jump.

If it hadn't been Potter, she might have almost thought it was sweet, the effort he was going to for a casual brush of hands. She shook her head. Still, it _was_ Potter, and that changed things.

"Well, I think that does it for the first Hogsmeade weekend," she said, watching him jump. She tried very hard to keep the smile off her face, but couldn't quite succeed. Hopefully he would take it for a smirk.

"Yeah," he said, sounding a bit breathless. "It seems like it's all sorted at this point."

Lily nodded, packing up her things.

"Umm," he mumbled, sounding terrified. "Listen, Lily," he began.

Lily was sure he was about to ask her out. She might have to hurt him. They had actually been working well together. Did he have to go and ruin it by asking her out?

"Erm . . . well, I was wondering if there was any chance you'd be willing to help me with my Charms," he asked.

"Charms?" she repeated, completely thrown. Had she just imagined the whole hand thing? That would be mortifying.

"Yeah," he said. "Really just the Patronus Charm. For the life of me, I can't seem to get more than vapor."

Lily nodded. "Yeah, umm. . . yeah, that's fine. Why don't you give it a shot and I'll see what I can do."

* * *

James agreed, swallowing hard. This had been a terrible idea. He was going to kill Remus. It was bad enough that he couldn't do the bloody charm, but now he had to admit it in front of _her_. Why didn't he just run around telling everyone he couldn't get it up, too? He surreptitiously knocked on wood. That really wasn't something he should joke about.

He glanced at her. Taking a deep breath, he tried to fix on a happy thought. He remembered the first time he flew. "Expecto Partronum," he said, swishing his wand. Nothing happened. Not even vapor. Fantastic.

Lily sighed, leaning forward. "You have to focus," she said. "Remus has the same problem. It isn't just a matter of thinking of a happy thought and saying the words. You have to actually feel the happiness and send it out through the wand."

James stared at her. He had no idea what she was talking about, but he liked listening to her. She had a really wonderful voice. It managed to be smooth and almost husky at the same time.

"Are you listening?" she asked, looking irritated.

"Yes," he said immediately. "You were saying how I have to feel the happiness and send it out through the wand."

When she rolled her eyes, he knew he must have checked out for a couple of minutes.

"Right," she said. "At least you were listening up to that point." She shook her head. "The key is to remove everything else from your mind. Clear it of all the distractions. And then really try to feel the happy moment you've chosen, you know? Almost like you're experiencing it, and you're just using your wand to share it with the world."

James watched her close her eyes, unsure of how he was supposed to clear his mind with her this close to him. At least before he'd managed vapor. He saw her lift her wand.

"Expecto Patronum," she said. And a doe burst out of her wand to canter around the room. James grinned. That had to be a good sign.

"What was your happy memory?" he asked, before he could stop himself. He thought she would tell him to bugger off, but instead she smiled. It was definitely the first time she had smiled at James. Well, he couldn't really call it _at_ him, but it was with him, and there was no one else in the room.

"Swinging on the swing set down at the park by my house, when I was a little girl," she said softly. "I used to love going there with my sister. I would swing higher and higher and fly out into the air and land soft as can be." She shook her head at the memory. "Drove Petunia mad –"

She stopped speaking because James had brushed his lips against hers. He didn't know what had happened. He seemed to have lost temporary control of his body. He opened his eyes and saw that she was staring at him, lips perfectly still under his. He jerked back.

"I'm sorry," he said immediately. "I didn't mean to do that. Only you're _very_ distracting, and you were talking, and I couldn't think straight." He clamped his mouth shut before he could babble on any longer.

"Right," she said, scooting back in her chair. "Well, I think we're done with planning for tonight, and I've helped you all I can with the Patronus Charm, so, I should be going," she said, sounding a bit frantic.

James watched her tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear. He gripped his chair tightly, trying to ensure that he not do anything else she might find offensive.

"Yeah," he said. "Thanks. You know. For the help."

She nodded swiftly, gathering her stuff and making a hasty exit.

The moment she was out the door, James dropped his head onto the table. Stupid, stupid, stupid, he thought.

* * *

_So, I've been trying to stick with one POV per chapter (which is why some are so short), but I wanted to show both their thoughts in this scene. My question is, would you rather it this way, or have me do separate chapters, or have me just show one side?_

_-Naj_


	18. Company

James sat down for breakfast. He tried not to look at Lily. He could not believe he had actually kissed her. What was he thinking? She couldn't stand him. And she had just stared at him, obviously terrified.

At the moment she was talking to Remus, acting completely normal. James hadn't been able to bring himself to tell the lads about it. He could just picture their reactions when he did. Sirius would probably take to calling him "Lady Killer" like he had in third year, when James went out with a fourth year for a week and was permanently scarred by the experience.

"Hey," James said, in a dejected voice. He nodded to Sirius.

Sirius looked up from his newspaper. "Have you seen this yet?" he asked, in a very subdued tone.

James shook his head, leaning over to get a look at the headline.

DEATH EATERS KILL FAMILY OF FIVE; EVIDENCE OF TORTURE

James stared at the headline for a moment, trying to process it. He leaned over to read the article. The auror department seemed to think that the parents had information the Death Eaters wanted. The theory was that the bastards had tortured the children in an effort to make the parents talk.

James sat back, staring blankly at the wall. "Merlin," he said.

"Yeah," Sirius nodded. "New definition of evil, if you ask me."

James agreed. "Bloody hell. I'd lose it if Death Eaters tortured anyone in front of me, but children? Could you imagine having to watch your own children tortured?"

Sirius shook his head. "They say the parents must have held out. It seems to have been quite . . . extended," he said, looking ill.

James looked back down at the article. "I bet they didn't know whatever it was the devils wanted. There's no parent could hold out while their kids were tortured in front of them."

Sirius glanced over at the Slytherin table. "Mine probably could," he said. "But then, they're shit parents, aren't they?" He shook his head. "Sorry. I didn't mean to bring it back to me. I just keep wondering if it's enough to make Regulus run for the hills."

James glanced over at the Slytherin table before turning to meet Sirius' eye. "Listen, mate, I don't know Regulus, but I find it hard to believe any brother of your could stomach this," he jerked his head toward the article. "And from what you've said about the summer, I think maybe it's just a matter of keeping him in line until he gets away from that lot," he indicated the Slytherin table, "and then maybe he'll be a decent enough bloke."

Sirius nodded, still gazing across the room. "Yeah. With any luck, you'll be right." He shook his head. "I don't have any appetite. I think I'll go for a bit of a wander."

"You want company?" James offered casually.

Sirius shrugged, nodding a bit. They both rose and left the table.

* * *

Lily watched them go. They might have been bullies through fifth year, but she had to admit they came down on the right side of the war. And it _had_ been nice of James to say he thought Regulus might turn out well after all. Sirius was obviously concerned about it.


	19. Frustration

_November_

_

* * *

_

They had agreed to meet on Thursday night for their head duties. James had spent the entire week psyching himself up. He had made a point of relieving the complete catastrophe of a first kiss, so that he could avoid making the same mistake again.

He was going to follow Remus' advice. He would work at being her friend. It would be a good foundation. Or at least that was the theory. James was a little terrified that she would end up thinking of him as a brother, but he supposed that was better than her current opinion of him.

He paced around the heads common room, waiting for her. She almost never came here. No one knew where she slept, but it definitely wasn't in the bedroom allotted to her. Which may have been a blessing. He didn't think he'd be able to control himself with her that close all the time.

He spun around quickly when he heard the door open.

"Hey," he greeted her brightly.

She nodded, looking anywhere but at him. Right, he thought. So she definitely wasn't over the whole kiss thing.

He would be _very_ platonic, he resolved. She would have completely forgotten about the whole thing by the end of the night. Just because she had worn the damn muggle clothes that fit her like a second skin, that didn't mean he wasn't going to stick to the plan.

* * *

They sat across from each other. Lily kept glancing at his hand, but it stayed firmly on his side of the little table. Every once in a while, his knuckles would go white and he would mutter something about Snape in a thong under his breath.

Was it possible she had completely misunderstood the whole thing? Was he into blokes? She risked a glance at his face. He was circling possible dates for the next Hogsmeade weekend on a small calendar. His eyelashes were impossibly long.

Not that she was looking at them. It was just that they stood out. He glanced up at her and she looked away immediately, trying not to blush. Jesus, she thought. When was the last time she had needed to try not to blush? This was ridiculous.

He cleared his throat. "What about the 17th?" he said.

She shook her head. "That was the weekend Dumbledore wanted us to avoid. What about the one before?"

He looked down at his calendar, running his thumb just below his bottom lip distractedly. She looked away before he could catch her staring at his mouth. Bloody hell.

He shook his head. "There's a quidditch match," he said, pointing to the date. She craned her neck, but couldn't get a good view.

Glancing at the chair next to him, she sighed. She knew it was a terrible idea, but she got up and moved over to it, pulling the calendar toward her so she could see what he was talking about.

* * *

He tried not to look at her. Every reasonable thought had just fled from his brain. How was he supposed to focus with her this close to him?

He shifted in his seat a bit and felt his leg brush against hers. He stopped breathing. Bloody hell. How was he supposed to follow Remus' advice when she was close enough for him to smell her hair?

He jumped a bit when she spoke, and tried to hide the blush by mussing up his hair.

"How can there possibly be so much going on in November?" she asked.

He shrugged. The movement somehow caused his leg to brush against hers. He glanced at her quickly, surprised that she hadn't scooted away.

She seemed to be very focused on the calendar. His eyes found her mouth. When she licked her lips, he had to stop himself groaning aloud.

Friends, he told himself. Friends. Just friends.

It was becoming a mantra.

* * *

Did he have to keep brushing against her, she thought. And now he was staring at her mouth like he was thinking about kissing her again. If he did, she was going to slap him. But she might try kissing him back a bit first, she thought, wondering how it would feel.

She scraped her teeth across her bottom lip, looking up in surprise when he made a strangled sound.

"You alright?" she asked.

He nodded, looking away. She stared at him, baffled. After a moment, he looked back at her, eyes flicking down to her mouth before moving up to lock with hers. "Yeah," he said in a slightly husky voice. "Just, you know," he cleared his throat, "frustrated."

She blinked at him.

"With trying to sort out a good date," he added hastily, going red.

She couldn't stop herself smiling when he blushed. It really was sort of endearing. She glanced down it his lips again.

Realizing belatedly that she had been staring far too long, she brought her gaze back up to his eyes. And realized he was watching her with what could only be described as a hungry look.

Knowing she would regret it, she leaned forward, brushing her mouth against his.

* * *

James went very still. He wasn't about to let this opportunity pass him by, but he also didn't want to spook her.

He kissed her very carefully, very gently, inordinately pleased that she was kissing him back. That she had initiated the whole thing.

Slowly, he scraped his teeth over her bottom lip, tugging at it lightly. When she moaned, he took advantage of her open mouth to slide his tongue in. Raising one hand to her face, he lightly traced her cheek before using it to shift the angle of her mouth just slightly. He tangled his other hand in her hair, marveling at the texture.

* * *

She was surprised how quickly she adjusted to the feel of his tongue. She wasn't entirely sure what to do at first, so she settled for mimicking him. When she heard him groan, she thought she had probably made the best choice.

She tried to focus on what she was doing, but she was finding it difficult. It took all her self-control not to climb into his lap. Jesus, he was good at this.

When he nibbled on the tip of her tongue, she lost her mind.

* * *

Bloody hell, he thought. Sweet Merlin, she was in his lap. Lily Evans was in his lap, rocking against him. There was no possible way she couldn't tell he was hard.

She had gone from kissing him back hesitantly to trying to devour him. He groaned when she moved again, stroking both hands down her body. He loved her muggle clothing that fit her like a second skin.

When she pulled back for air, he scraped his teeth down her neck. He hooked his thumbs under the hem of her little tank top, thinking she needed to not have any clothes on. She needed to not have any clothes on, he needed to not have any clothes on, and he need to be inside her. _Now_.

He had her shirt about halfway up when she jerked back and actually fell out of his lap.

* * *

Lily stared up at him, mortified.

"I'm sorry," he said, as though it had been his fault she'd crawled into his lap and then managed to fall out of it in her panic. Well, then again, he had started undressing her. Maybe it was his fault.

"Are you alright?" he asked, reaching out a hand to help her up.

She would have glared at him, but she really didn't want to make eye contact. She nodded, swallowing hard.

She decided her best option was to just ignore him. She rose, trying to maintain her dignity. Which was obviously a pipe dream.

Tucking her hair behind her ears, she mumbled something about needing to go. She was fairly sure it had been completely unintelligible, but she wasn't willing to stay to fix it.

She made a b-line for the door, without looking back. Despite the fact that she heard him call her name as she left.

* * *

James stared at the door. "Fuck," he said.

He shoved both hands through his hair, making it stand out at funny angles. He was supposed to be building a friendship with her – a _foundation_ – not trying to shag her on the common room table.

He closed his eyes, remembering how she had felt, how she had tasted. At least he had a bedroom to himself these days, where he could work out his frustration in private. He sincerely hoped she never realized how accurate her nickname for him had become.


	20. It

James sat down at breakfast the next morning, knowing he must look haggard. He'd had an awful time trying to sleep.

Remus winced. "Didn't go so well, then?" he said.

"What?" James asked, panicking. "What did she say?"

Remus raised his eyebrows. "Didn't say anything, actually. Why? Was there something to say?"

James shrugged. Fuck, he thought. This was definitely not the way to get on her good side. She would think he was bragging. Don't say anything, he told himself. Not a word.

"She kissed me," he said, unable to stop himself.

Remus only blinked at him. James blessed his good luck that there was no one within earshot.

"You can't say anything," he whispered, glancing around.

"Is it a secret?" Remus asked, baffled.

James shrugged. "I don't know," he said. "She didn't mention anything to you though, so I don't figure I should go blabbing about it."

Remus gave him a look that clearly said it was too late for that.

"I know," James groaned. "I shouldn't have told you, but I need you to help me figure out what I'm doing wrong."

"Sounds like you must have done something right, if she kissed you," Remus said, grinning.

James shushed him. "Look, can we talk about this somewhere else?"

When Remus shrugged, James dragged him off to the quidditch pitch. He didn't say anything until they were seated in the stands, where he felt fairly confident they wouldn't be overheard. Still, he cast a few spells to ward off eavesdroppers.

"So, what happened?" Remus asked. "Start from the beginning."

"Well," James said, staring out at the pitch. "I guess the beginning would be that I accidently kissed her a while back, when we were planning the first Hogsmeade weekend."

Remus looked amused. "How exactly does one accidently kiss a girl?" he asked.

"I don't know," James wailed. "One minute she's talking about swinging on the swing set, and the next I'm trying to kiss her."

"Trying?" Remus inquired.

James nodded. "She didn't kiss me back. At all. Just sort of froze, staring at me. And then I panicked, and she left, and that was pretty much that."

"Which explains why you were so nervous about this week," Remus said.

"Yeah," James responded. "But I'd made it clear to myself that I wasn't to go kissing her at all, you know? Not until I had though whole _foundation_," he said.

Remus nodded. "So what happened this time?"

"Well," James began. "I was being really good, you know? Not trying to get close to her or anything. I was respecting her personal bubble, like you said. But then she moved over to sit next to me so she could see the calendar. And I don't know how I can be expected to think straight were her that near. And she was driving me insane," he said, looking at Remus for understanding. "She licks her lips. Have you ever noticed how she does that? She licks them and she _bites_ them and it drives me out of my mind."

"So you kissed her," Remus concluded.

"No," James shook his head. "I bloody well would have, I think in another minute, but she kissed me first."

"Well that's great," said Remus. "What's wrong with that?"

"I don't know," James whimpered. "One minute she was in my lap. She was in my _lap_, Remus. All soft and smooth and grinding into me. And how was I supposed to keep my head on straight with her . . ." he shook his head. "She feels . . . and she tastes . . . Merlin, I can't even describe . . . and she was kissing me, you know? Really kissing me. And I guess I just let it get a bit out of hand, yeah? Because I just sort of lost all sight of the plan and started trying to take her shirt off."

"Ah," was all Remus said.

"Yeah," James agreed, nodding intensely. "She panicked and actually fell to the floor." When Remus raised his eyebrows, he thought he should elaborate. "Because she tried to jerk away, see? But she was sort of straddling me at the time, so it didn't go so well. And she ended up on the floor." When Remus laughed, he rushed on. "I tried to help her up, but she wouldn't look at me. And then she just bolted. I mean _scarpered_."

James looked at Remus, pleading. "So, can you tell me what I did wrong? It was the shirt wasn't it? If I'd just kept better control of myself . . ."

Remus thought about it. "Honestly, James? I think even if you'd done nothing more than kiss her, she probably would have reacted the same way in the end. She's not what I'd call a trusting person, and she's had a lot of reason to do be suspicious of you in the past."

James shoved both hands through his hair. "But I'm _gone_ over her. I mean, I've been trying to get her to just be friends with me for more than a year now. That has to count for something."

Remus smiled at him encouragingly. "I think it will, in the end. But you have to be patient. You don't build a relationship in a week. Or, in Lily's case, a year."

James nodded. "The foundation, right?"

"Yeah," Remus said. "I'd suggest you just keep at it. She'll probably be concerned that you'll think of her as a conquest, you know? So I wouldn't tell anyone, even Sirius, about all this. And I'd go out of your way to treat her well, yeah?"

"Definitely," James said. There really wasn't anything he wouldn't do to get her to like him. And he knew he wasn't aiming for a one night thing. She was the real deal, Lily was. She was it.

* * *

Remus glanced at her as they made their rounds. "So," he started. "What's the deal with you and James?"

She snapped her head around to glare at him. "Couldn't wait to tell you about it, could he?"

Remus shook his head. "I think he was trying not to, but he doesn't understand what he did wrong, so he wanted some advice."

"Fantastic," Lily responded. "Well, once the entire school hears I'm sure he'll have all the advice he can handle."

Remus only looked at her. "I'm not the entire school, and I don't think he plans on telling anyone else." He shrugged. "I only brought it up because I want you to know he really means it."

She snorted. "I'm sure."

"Really," Remus said. "He's been after you for ages now."

She scowled at him. "As much as I'd _love_ to be another notch on Potter's bedpost," she said, "I think I'll pass."

"That's what I was afraid of," Remus sighed. "It's not like that, really. He could have had dozens of notches in his bedpost over the past – Merlin – almost two years he's been interested in you. If that's how it was, he would have given up within a week."

Lily huffed out a breath. "Please. Potter always has to be the best at everything. I'm sure once I came back all . . ."

"Natural?" Remus offered. "Real? Gorgeous?"

She shrugged. "Whatever. When everyone started asking me out, I'm sure it just sparked his competitive spirit."

Remus grinned, shaking his head. "Actually, it terrified him. When you showed up like this," he gestured to her red hair and light makeup, "he begged me to convince you to change it back."

She gave him a disbelieving look.

"He said he knew he didn't have a shot to begin with, but with the whole school asking you out he'd never stand a chance," Remus explained.

She shook her head. "I don't buy it. Potter doesn't have an insecure bone in his body."

"He does where you're concerned," Remus commented, laughing. "In fact, when he decided to Lilyfy himself-"

"Lilyfy himself?" she squeaked.

Remus grinned. "That's what Sirius calls it. I said you thought James was full of himself, so he tried to become a bit more modest and considerate of other people. Actually spent the whole summer between fifth and sixth years working on it." He glanced at her. "You can't tell me you haven't noticed he's changed?"

She shrugged. "He's a bit better, I suppose."

Remus raised an eyebrow. "I wouldn't have pegged you for the type to kiss someone you thought so little of."

She glared at him. "It was a temporary bout of insanity. Hopefully a discreet one."

"If you like," Remus said in a patronizing tone. "I just wanted to let you know _he's_ genuine in his interest, even if _you_ aren't in yours."

She scowled at him, and then proceeded to ignore him for the rest of rounds.

Remus didn't mind one bit. He thought he might have actually gotten through to her, even if she wasn't willing to admit it.


	21. With Quivering Gratitude

When Transfiguration ended on Monday morning, James was hovering by her desk. She stared at him blankly.

"Hey," he said, a bit awkwardly. "Are you going to Charms?"

She gave him a baffled look. "Where else would I be going? It's our next class."

"Right," he said, nodding a bit too quickly. "So, umm . . ."

When he trailed off awkwardly, she shook her head and started packing up her stuff, not bothering to try to figure him out. Once she had shoved all of her books in her bags, she looked up in surprise. He had lifted it off her desk and seemed to be waiting for her, her bag slung across his left shoulder.

"What are you doing?" she asked, staring at him.

He tried to shrug, but seemed to struggle with the motion given the two heavy bags he was carrying. "I . . . uhhh . . . was going to carry you books?"

She blinked at him. "I'm not hurt or anything," she said, grasping at any possible explanation for his behavior.

He rubbed at his neck. "I know," he said. "I was just, you know, trying to be considerate."

She tucked a bit of hair behind her ears, trying to avoid looking at him. Remus _had_ mentioned something about him attempting to be more considerate.

"Ok," she said, giving in and walking with him.

Several times on the short walk he looked like he was about to say something, but then decided against it at the last minute. Lily had zero interest in trying to start up a conversation with him when he was acting this strangely.

When they arrived at their next class, he deposited her bag next to her usual seat, said an awkward goodbye, and went to sit next to his friends.

Lily stared out the window, thinking that might have been the most bizarre interactions she'd ever had with another person. What in God's name would have possessed him to carry her bag? If she was 85, she could see it being considerate. But she wasn't 85 and she wasn't crippled, and there was just no logical reason for it.

* * *

He debated all through Charms. She clearly hadn't taken to the whole carrying her books to class plan, but he wasn't the sort to give up easily. She had, after all, agreed to walk with him. And a starving man should never turn away any morsels, not matter how small. He resolved to continue with the strategy he had laid out last night.

When class ended, he walked back over to her desk. He tried to discreetly wipe the sweat off his palms. He watched as she packed frantically, hauling the bag onto her shoulder before he could reach for it. Ouch. That should be a clear enough sign.

He glanced back at Padfoot, who shrugged and gave him a thumbs up. Lot of help that was. He shoved his hands in his pockets. "So," he said, shuffling his feet a bit, "ready?" He decided vague was best. If asked if she was heading to lunch, she could say no. She couldn't really claim she wasn't ready, though, given that she was obviously prepared to leave.

She gave him a fleeting look and bolted for the door. He could only think of two other times he'd seen her move that fast. Sighing, he decided this wasn't his day. He dropped back, not even attempting to keep pace with her.

Maybe he should just cash in his chips, call it a loss, and move on. She clearly wasn't interested. He glanced up at her. And realized she had slowed down. In fact, she was coming to a complete stop, looking back at him.

He picked up his pace a little, catching up. "Hey," he said, grinning at her. It really was pathetic, how he gobbled up any crumbs she left him with quivering gratitude.

"What's this about?" she asked quietly.

He stared at her, but she looked sincere.

"Maybe I like you," he said.

Stupid, he thought. Maybe? How about _absolutely_. Merlin, you don't play hard to get with girls who don't want you in the first place, he scolded himself. Maybe. He shook his head, irritated with himself.

She started walking again, eyeing him sideways. "I'm not really sure how to take that," she said finally.

He looked over at her. "What do you mean?"

"Well," she said, shoulders rising and falling.

Bloody hell, he thought, she even shrugs gracefully. He glanced back at her, reminding himself to listen to the words she said, not just stare out her mouth when it moved.

"You started with maybe, which is very unclear. And then you said you like me. And then you shook your head." She glanced at him again. "How would you interpret that, if you were me?"

He stopped and turned to face her. "I like you," he said. "No maybe, no head shaking. Just that." He shrugged. "I like you."

She looked at him from under her lashes. Don't kiss her, he thought. Don't kiss her, don't kiss her, don't kiss her.

When she didn't look away, he found himself leaning in. He saw her close her eyes, just his mouth met hers. He thought that must have been a good sign.

After far too little time had passed, it occurred to him that they were in the corridor. Where people could pass by at any moment. Regretting the necessity with every ounce of his being, he pulled back.

She looked up at him for a long moment. Seeming to struggle with herself, she finally grabbed his hand and pulled him off toward the statue of Gregory the Smarmy.

He was just beginning to realize his good fortune when she pushed him into the secret passage and shoved him back against the will, capturing his mouth at the same time.

James discovered he liked aggressive women.

He ran his hands up and down her body, quickly becoming irritated with the bulky robes. Momentarily forgetting all of his many – _many_ – promises to himself never to try to get her undressed, he began pulling them off.

She didn't protest this time, though. Instead she helped the process along and then moved onto his. By the time they were down to shirts and trousers, they'd gotten turned around so it was him pressing her against the wall. He gripped her hips, hoisting her up so their mouths were level. She immediately wrapped her legs around his waist, making him groan. She tangled her fingers in his hair, pulling his mouth closer.

If he'd had his wand in his hand, he might have been able to gather the will to cast a silencing charm. But his wand was in his robes, and they were _all_ the way over there, and she was right here, and his hands were busy anyway.

He found that so long as he didn't try to remove her clothing, she seemed fine with any touching he wanted to do. He also discovered that there was a spot just behind her ear that made her breath catch whenever he brushed his mouth over it.

When she moaned his name, he thought he might actually die. And then he remembered that he hadn't cast a silencing charm. And that if someone caught them at this, she would definitely ensure he never got to do it again.

He pulled back, bracing his arms against the wall and then leaning his forehead against hers. "Go to Hogsmeade with me," he said, wishing it hadn't come out sounding like a command.

"Why?" she asked.

Merlin, he thought. Did she have to sound so bloody breathy? Unable to stop himself, he leaned back in to kiss her, just for a minute.

Valiantly managing to regain control of himself, he pulled his mouth away, pleased beyond words when hers tried to go with him. "Because I want you to," he said, rubbing his nose along hers. "Because I want to spend the next Hogsmeade weekend with you," he whispered against her mouth. "And the one after that. And the one after that."

She was the one that kissed him this time, though it was no less distracting. When they came up for air, she stared at him for a long time.

He moved his mouth over to her ear. "Please," he begged, lips brushing her earlobe, before he began kissing his way along her neck.

"Fine," she gasped out in a half moan.

He looked up at her grinning. He thought she might have been about to change her mind, so he kissed her again. They would work out the details later.


	22. Since When

He carried her books every day. And walked with her to classes. And sat next to her whenever she ate in the Great Hall. And studied with her in the common room. 'Studied' being a vague term that seemed to include things like playing chess and exploding snap with his friends. Who now sat next to Lily, because they always sat next to James. And James now always sat with Lily.

She wasn't at all sure how she felt about the situation. On the one hand, she had decided she really – _really_ – liked being alone with him. Being alone with him consisted almost entirely of kissing, and groping, and possibly a bit of what Lily had heard Marlene refer to as 'dry humping.'

On the other hand, the incidence of people staring at her had gone up again by quite a lot. James didn't seem bothered in the least by all the speculation and gossip, but Lily was uncomfortable with it. It was bad enough to have your first date with a boy who was known for catting around. It was much much worse to have that first date be the talk of the school.

Remus seemed to think the whole situation was hilarious. He had obviously been pleased with the news that she had consented to go on a date with his friend, but he was _impossible _about the rest of it. Every time some guy would refer to her as 'Potter's girl' in a frustrated tone, Remus would laugh. It really took the sting out of Lily's glares.

James was even worse. He would get this awful self-satisfied smirk on his face when people said it. And then Lily would storm off, declaring that she needed time alone.

It didn't seem to matter what she said or did before running off, James was always there to carry her books and sit with her. She was becoming far too used to his presence.

Which made it even stranger that she was currently sorting through her clothes, trying to pick something suitable for their date. She had been tempted to call it off, but it was like he had a freaky sense about it. Whenever she would start to bring it up, he would kiss her. And then she would decide that maybe going on an actual date with him wouldn't be as mortifying as she expected.

Of course, that was then, she thought. And this was now. She threw down a little black dress. It would be madness to wear that, wouldn't it? She would freeze. And look like an idiot. Unless he thought this was a formal date. Jesus, what if she showed up in jeans and he wore dress robes? Then she would feel like a real twat, that was certain.

She shook her head. Better to dress down than up, she thought. If she wore regular clothes and he dressed up, he would look overeager and she would look casual. If she wore a dress and he wore normal clothes, she would look like she had never been on a date before and didn't know the proper customs. It might have been entirely accurate, but she didn't want to draw attention to the fact.

She sighed, grabbing a pair of nice blue jeans and t-shirt. She pulled them on and looked at herself in the mirror. She looked like she did any time she wasn't wearing robes or exercise gear, which was really most of the time, given that she usually wore yoga pants under her robes. They were just so bloody comfortable. And she seldom bothered to change out of them when she took off her robes in the evening. James had really only seen her in anything else on the weekends, and then she looked exactly like she did right now.

She examined her reflection. She didn't look _bad_. But she didn't look particularly good, either. Her eyes slid over to the dress. He would definitely be surprised. She decided to try it on, just to see how it looked.

She took off her current ensemble and climbed into the dress. It was . . . _slinky_, she thought. No doubt about it. She smoothed it out, imagining his reaction. It was so very, very tempting. She would have worn it, if there was nothing but the pair of them in the equation. But she had to factor in all the other students who would be watching. She shook her head, pulling it off.

Staring back at her closet, she decided to compromise. She went with a denim mini skirt and a russet halter that managed to suit both her skin tone and her hair remarkably well. She never thought she would be grateful for her summers working in a restaurant that emphasized dressing to please the customers, but this was one time it came in handy. At least she had managed to figure out what looked good on her. She didn't have to worry about looking completely awful.

She cocked her head, checking herself over in the mirror. She didn't think anyone could call this overdoing it. It wasn't what she wore every day, but it also wasn't a ball gown – or a slinky little black dress. And the tights she had added would help her warm.

She applied her makeup carefully. She had a great deal of experience with cosmetics, but she hadn't learned how to subtly enhance her features until the summer after fifth year. That damn restaurant. They didn't want her wearing loads of heavy makeup, but when she had showed up without any, they hadn't liked that either. One of the other girls taught her that the true masters were the ones who could look like they weren't wearing any makeup at all, but were just naturally breathtaking. It took awhile, but Lily had gotten the hang of it.

She wore her hair down. She knew he liked it that way, even if he _had_ asked Remus to convince her to change it back. Wanker, she thought.

She caught her reflection smiling at her in the mirror and tried to stop it. Eventually she gave up and turned away, deciding she had best just head down to meet him.

* * *

He paced around the dorm. "Listen, I feel like this was a mistake," he said, for at least the twelfth time. "What can you really do in Hogsmeade to make an impression?" he asked. "Puddifoots? Please. The Three Broomstick? That's about as unoriginal as it gets."

"You could take her to the shrieking shack. See if she'll get spooked enough to need you to comfort and protect her." Sirius suggest, grinning devilishly. "In fact, we could be inside setting up a terrifying ruckus that will ensure she clings to you the entire time."

Remus rolled his eyes. "I don't get the impression she's the clinging type."

Peter snorted, which got James' back up.

"I like that about her," James said defensively. "That she doesn't always need someone to look after her. She's tough, you know. Independent."

"Listen, mate," Sirius said, placing a hand on James' shoulder. "The last thing you want from a bird is toughness and independence. If she decides to take care of everything on her own, she's never going to shag you. And – more importantly – we're" he indicated himself and the other two lads, "never going to get a moment's peace."

James glowered at him. "I'm only saying that it would have been a bit more impressive to plan something off the grounds when we aren't allowed to go. Or I could have done a picnic, which would have been sweet. Or, I dunno, anything that isn't something she could have done with a hundred other guys. She's probably been on loads of dates and ours will just be forgettable."

Peter laughed. "James, when have you ever seen her on a date? I don't think she's been on a single one."

"He has a point," Sirius said, considering it. "You said yourself she turned all the other blokes down when they asked her out."

James turned hopeful eyes to Remus. "What about muggles? Does she turn muggles down too?"

"Dunno," Remus shrugged. "She doesn't talk about it."

"Right," James said, throwing himself down on his bed. "That's the problem. She doesn't talk enough."

Peter snorted again. "Since when is that a problem?"

"He makes a fair point, you know," Sirius laughed.

James only shook his head. "But she doesn't tell me what she likes. Most girls drop hints, yeah? So you know if they would like flowers, or jewelry, or a walk in the moonlight, or . . ."

"A quick shag in a broom cupboard," Sirius suggested.

James glared and him. "She's not that sort."

"No?" Sirius smirked. "What is it you two run off to do then, if you aren't talking?"

James couldn't stop himself turning red. "Well," he said quickly, "we don't shag. That's for certain."

Sirius shook his head sadly. "My sympathies, mate," he said. "Truly."

James rubbed his hands over his face. "So do any of you have any suggestions as to how I can make this date memorable?"

When no advice was forthcoming, James decided to just toss in the towel. He would take her to the Three Broomsticks and hope that at least it wouldn't be a bad date. How was it that he always ended up hoping just not to make a fool of himself with this girl?


	23. Rubble

He walked down to the common room ten minutes before they said they would meet. She was already waiting for him. She had worn a little mini skirt that was likely to drive him mad. He wished it was warm enough that she could have gone without the tights. She had worn a little jacket over a pretty blouse. The whole picture was just about perfect. Everything except the other blokes looking her over. He had not failed to notice all the glances she was getting.

He went over to her. "You look great," he said, smiling in appreciation.

She mumbled something he thought might have been a thank you.

"Are you ready to head down?" he asked, motioning toward the door.

She nodded.

He tried not to pay too much attention to the way her skirt rode up as she gracefully rose, and he tried to get his heart beat under control as they walked to the door.

He racked his brain for a good topic of conversation. It was much easier when she was studying. He could be around her without having to think of anything to say that didn't sound completely ridiculous.

"So, are you sad we won't be coming back to Hogwarts next year?" he asked. Brilliant ice breaker there, he thought.

She cast him a sideways look. "No," she said simply.

He stopped walking and turned to face her. "Are you serious? You aren't going to miss it at all?" He glanced around. "But this place is great. Quidditch, the Forbidden Forest, all our friends . . . How can you not be a little bit sad to be leaving at the end of the year?"

She shrugged. "I don't like quidditch. I don't care about the Forbidden Forest. And I don't have any friends," she said.

"Well," he shoved his hands in his pockets. "The Forest I'll give you, but you do have friends. You've got me," he continued on quickly when she snorted, "and Remus, and Sirius, and Peter. And it seems like you've been getting on better with the girls lately."

Lily gave him a look. "You don't want us to be friends," she said. "And Sirius and Peter are only around because you are."

He shook his head. "That's not true at all. I mean," he clarified, "the part about Peter might be, but you and Sirius have become better friends than you and I have. And you can't say we aren't friends at all," he said hurriedly, "because I worked really hard at that." He messed up his hair, thinking that had been a stupid thing to say. "And even you don't have an argument against Remus being your friend."

"If you like," she shrugged, staring around at the landscape.

"Can I ask you something?" he said in a very quiet voice.

She threw him a slightly concerned look out of the corner of her eye. "Of course," she said.

He scrubbed his hand through his hair. "How can you not like quidditch?" he asked in a rush.

She laughed. She had such a nice laugh that he didn't even mind she was laughing at him instead of at one of his jokes.

"Been concerning you, has it?" she responded.

"Nah," he shrugged. "Well, yes, but not in terms of me. I guess I'm just worried that you haven't really given it a shot. And so really you're missing out on a pretty massive part of the wizarding world."

"Mmmm . . . so because I'm muggle born, it's just that I don't properly _understand_ quidditch?" she said. "Not that I think it's a waste of time and energy."

He stared at her, mouth working soundlessly. "Waste of time and energy?" he squeaked finally.

She lifted her shoulders dismissively. "I just don't see why everyone gets so worked up about it. It's a silly game."

"Silly game?" he parroted.

"Yeah," she nodded. "It's load of people flying around on brooms, throwing balls to each other, and risking serious physical injury." She shrugged. "I have better things to do with my time than watch that. And it's _certainly_ not something I'll miss about Hogwarts."

"Right," he said, unable to comprehend how anyone could feel that way.

She glanced around her. "I'll miss the grounds, I suppose," she said, as though she hadn't just called his favorite thing in the world a silly game. "That's about it, though."

"Right," he said again. He was a little too terrified to try any new topics of conversation for a while, so he walked in silence.

* * *

She watched him out of the corner of her eye. It probably wasn't proper date etiquette to insult a boy's interests before you've even gotten to your destination, but she wasn't going to pretend she liked something she didn't. If that was what he expected of her, they could just turn around right now and walk back up to the school.

When they got to the town, he headed straight for the Three Broomsticks. She wasn't the least bit surprised his idea of a date was bringing a girl to the same place he always went. At least he had the decency to open the door for her.

And pull out her chair. That part was actually fairly sweet, even if he did knock it into her legs when he tried to push it in.

"Erm . . . so . . . drink?" he asked. Jesus. She'd reduced him to monosyllables.

She nodded. "I'd take a butterbeer, thank you."

He went over to the bartender. She watched him flirt with the woman. She wondered if it was a sign he'd already written her off, or if he was just the sort to flirt with every girl he saw, no matter the circumstances.

He came back to the table carrying two butterbeers. Pausing by her chair, he moved to hand her one of them.

"Oi!" Black shouted from the doorway. "James, mate –"

Potter had jumped at the sound, turning quickly and dumping the entire butterbeer down her front. "I am so sorry," he said, panicking and trying to clean it up with a spell. He must have mumbled though, because somehow it didn't remove the liquid, but the portion of her shirt that was wet.

She jumped up, ignoring James curses, Sirius' wolf-whistle, and the general laughter of the rest of the patrons. She bolted for the bathroom, trying to maintain some level of dignity.

She stared at herself in the mirror, wandering if it had been an accident or not. How exactly does one accidently disappear half of a shirt.

At least she'd worn a nice bra, she thought. It would have been twice as mortifying if she'd been in some old lady get up.

She pulled off what was left of her top, doing a few quick spells to clean and repair it before pulling it back on. She seriously, seriously considered climbing out the window, but decided she would have to face everyone sooner or later. It would be worse if they thought she cared.

Lily walked back out with her back straight. And found James chatting up a sixth year. The girl gave Lily a condescending smile.

Right, Lily thought, so it had been a setup. She took a moment to marvel at the time and effort the marauders would put into a simple piece of humiliation, but then she made for the exit.

"Lily, wait," she heard him shout over the scraping of his chair.

She tossed off a spell and was viciously satisfied when she heard a crash and glanced back to see him buried under the rubble of what used to be a table and chairs.

Just because she had taken his shit laying down for years didn't mean that she was going to continue doing it. She was done putting up with the Slytherins, she was done tolerating the marauders, and she was done making any attempt to fit it. She couldn't wait to be shot of this stupid school.

* * *

James dragged himself up out of the wreckage. He looked for Lily first, but she was clearly gone. Somehow he didn't think she'd want him to chase her, anyway.

He gave Sirius a baffled look.

His friend shrugged back at him. "Dunno, mate," he said. "Maybe she's just plain barking." He paused, considering the matter. "Then again, you did take off her shirt in front of a pub full of people."

James glared at him. "It was an accident," he said. "She had to know it was an accident. Why would I have done that on purpose?"

"For the thanks of a grateful pub," Sirius offered. "I for one feel like I can die a happy man. Did you see her . . ." he motioned toward his own chest, nodding enthusiastically.

"Shut it," James snapped.

Sirius grinned at him. "What? I'm only saying you have good taste. Bloody hell. If I'd known her body was that nice, I would have put up a bit of competition."

James advanced on him threateningly.

"Alright, alright," Sirius laughed, raising both hands in mock surrender. "She's all yours. Too many sharp edges for me, anyway."

James let out a long breath. "I knew this was going to end in disaster," he said. Sighing, he looked toward the door. "I'm going to find Remus and see if he has any advice."


	24. Ah

Remus just stared at him when he finished explaining.

"I don't understand," he said. "What happened to her shirt?"

James rubbed his hands over his face. "I don't know," he grumbled. "I was only trying to clean up the butterbeer, but I was so flustered about spilling it in the first place, somehow I messed up the spell.

"And disappeared her shirt," Remus tested his understanding.

James spread his fingers, looking out at Remus through the cracks. "Only part of it," he said in a muffled voice.

"The front part?" Remus asked.

James nodded.

"Right. Well, I don't think 'only part of it' will make much of a difference," Remus said finally. "The whole pub essentially saw her in her skivvies."

"But she didn't seem that upset about it at first," James said, dragging his fingers through his hair. "I mean, she did, but just embarrassed like, not angry. When she came out of the loo, she was furious." He sighed. "Maybe I'll ask Dennison," he said.

"What does Pauline Dennison have to do with anything?" Remus asked, thoroughly confused.

"Oh, she was there. She was chatting to me about the match last weekend," James said, waving it off. "She might have a girl's perspective on it, you know?"

"Ah," Remus said.

James stared at him. "What does 'ah' mean?"

"It means Lily's reaction makes more sense now," he said.

"It does?" James asked, thinking Remus must have some sort of psychic understanding of women.

Remus shook his head in amazement. "You really don't get it?"

"No," James wailed. "I'm not saying it was good date, mind. It was bloody awful, and I wouldn't have been surprised if she never wanted to talk to me again. But she _hexed_ me Remus." He rubbed at his arm, where a bruise had formed. "That's not her usual style."

Remus stared at him. "Sometimes it's amazing to me how someone so smart can be so dense," he said.

James grumbled at him. "Listen, it's bad enough she hates me. Do you really have to add insult to injury?" he indicated the many bruises and scratches decorating his skin. "Can't you just tell me what I did wrong."

"Well, for starters," he said, "you talked about your love for Hogwarts." He ticked it off on his finger.

"What's wrong with that?" James asked. "I like it here."

Remus shook his head. "But she doesn't," he said. "At best it's been tolerable. At worst," he shrugged, not willing to say what they guessed about the worst of it. "You're only highlighting how little you have in common."

James nodded. "I can see that," he said. "But, honestly mate, I don't think it's my biggest problem."

"No," Remus agreed. "Then, you spilled a drink on her," he added, tapping a second finger.

"That was an accident," James responded.

"Which she might have believed," Remus said, "except then you somehow removed her shirt." He ticked this off on a third finger.

James put his head in his hands. "That was just an even bigger accident. A blunder even," he said.

"Oh, I don't deny that James," Remus said. "I don't think anyone would say it was a _good_ move. But your problem is that you aren't starting from a high point with Lily," he explained. "It not like she thinks you're the best, and you have to mess it up to change her opinion. She thinks you're an arse. You've done a lot to make her reconsider, but something like this," he shrugged. "Well, it probably just confirmed her earlier idea of you."

"You mean she thinks I spent this long trying to get a chance with her, and I thought I'd just throw it all away so I could embarrass her?" James asked, disbelieving.

Remus nodded. "I think she would have no problem believing you had gone to all this trouble just so you could make her trust you and then humiliate her as publicly as possible," Remus said.

"But I would _never_ do that to her!" James shouted.

"Not now," Remus agreed, "but before you might have."

James glared at him. "I was never that bad."

"You and Sirius hung her upside down and had an entire conversation about how nice a body she had, while she just rotated," Remus made a spinning motion with his hand, "in the air."

James opened his mouth to respond, but didn't have a single defense.

"And that was _after_ she was switched into Gryffindor," Remus added. "Of course she doesn't trust you, James. Have you ever thought, really thought, about all the things you've done to her over the years? I guarantee you – we – are a part of what she has always hated about this school." He sighed. "And now she's interested in you and decided to give you a shot and this is how it goes. What else would you expect her to think?"

James felt thoroughly dejected. "I guess I expected her to give me a chance to apologize for messing it all up, and maybe believe that I hadn't meant it."

"And she might have," Remus nodded. "But then she came out to find you chatting up a popular girl." Remus ticked the last point off on his finger. "And, if I had to guess, took it as confirmation that the whole thing had been a rouse and now that you'd properly gotten her, you were done pretending."

"But I wasn't pretending," James said.

"I know that mate, but you have to understand that she doesn't." Remus patted him on the back. "Just keep doing what you've been doing, and maybe she'll come back around." He paused. "You should make sure you think she's worth it, though. Because you're definitely going to have to earn it with this particular girl." He looked at James seriously. "And if you get her to trust you and then mess her over, she's not the only one you'll have to deal with," he said, in a surprisingly threatening voice.

James nodded. "Yeah," he said. "Just so long as you make sure I've actually done something horrible, not just managed to fuck everything up so bad on accident that she thinks I have."


	25. Told

Remus was concerned when Lily wasn't down on the grounds for yoga. He thought something might have happened to her, so he ran back up to his room to get the map.

He found that she was on it, but in a completely different spot on the grounds. He bolted out his dorm room, terrified she might have been ambushed while going for a run.

Fully expecting to find her seriously injured, he was shocked when he saw her doing her yoga as usual, just in a different place.

"Hey," he called out.

She froze halfway between plank and downward dog. After a moment, she dropped back to sit on her heels.

"Most people can take a hint," she said in a cold voice.

"Right," Remus said, walking over and throwing himself down on the ground in front of her. "Let me guess. That hint is something along the lines of you thinking I'm an arse because I'm friends with James and he messed up your date."

She glared at him. "I'm not interested in being your little game."

"I'm not interested in someone I consider a friend suggesting I'm a terrible person, but I'm willing to forgive and forget, because I understand there's a history there and we can't change the past," he said, unable to hide his irritation.

"How big of you," she snapped.

He growled at her. A part of him was amazed that he had actually growled, while the rest was just plain furious. "We've been friends for more than two years, but James fucks one thing up and that's it?" he shouted. "You write me off like I'm nothing."

"You're not nothing," she shouted back, and Remus realized it was the first time he'd ever seen her lose her composure. "You're the kind of git who's friends with wankers that pretend to like a girl just so they can-" she broke off, and Remus was horrified to realize she was crying.

He moved forward slowly, tentatively patting her on the shoulder. "Lily, I'm sorry," he said. When she leaned into him, he hugged her. "I know it has to be hard for you to trust people, but you can't assume the worst every time someone messes up," he said, patting her on the back. "Especially if you're interested in James. He doesn't seem capable of not screwing things up, where you're concerned."

"I'm not interested in him," she sniffed.

Remus smiled. "Ok," he said. "Then I won't point out that you're crying on my shoulder because you think he was just leading you on."

"I'm not crying," she sobbed. "And even if I was, it would only be because I hate him so much," she added, hiccoughing.

Remus nodded. "I'm sure that's it. Exactly," he said. "It's definitely not that you like him, and are worried he doesn't like you back." He rolled his eyes. "That would be too much like how other people feel. You have to be stronger than the rest of the human race."

"Shut it," she said.

He laughed. "You definitely don't mince words, do you, Lily?"

"Go away," she said, burying his face in his shoulder.

He looked down at her. "Well, I would, but you're kind of clinging to me at the moment," he responded. When she started to pull away, he held on to her. "It's ok. I don't mind. I think it's probably healthy for you to cry once every . . . ten years or so."

"You're such a git," she said, and he was relieved to hear it sounded like she was calming down.

He stroked her hair. "So I've been told," he said. "So I've been told."

* * *

Lily was surprised when James appeared beside her desk at the end of Transfiguration the next day. She watched blankly as he hefted her bag over his left shoulder, waiting for her to walk out with him.

"Hey," she said, looking anywhere but at him.

"Hey," he said back. She couldn't tell what he meant by it. Stupid meaningless monosyllables.

"So," she began, tucking a bit of hair behind her ear. "Did you have any serious injuries, you know, from the other day?" They walked a few steps before he answered.

"Would you prefer I say yes or no?" he asked neutrally.

She glanced up at him. "No, I guess," she said, after some serious thought.

He grinned. "Good," he said. "Nothing too serious. It hurt like hell though," he added for good measure.

She couldn't help smiling.

"There wasn't anything going on with Pauline," he said quickly. "She just came up to chat to me about the match. I didn't realize you'd take it the way you did."

Lily shrugged. "Probably I overreacted."

He raised an eyebrow.

"Well," she said, "I won't say I definitely did. If everything had been intentional, you would have more than earned the hexing."

He nodded. "Fair enough," he said. "You do know it was an accident, though, right? All of it. Like one giant calamity."

"Yeah," she said. "Remus explained it all."

He breathed a huge sigh. "Thank Merlin for Remus."

She smiled at the obvious relief in his voice. After a few moments, she felt his hand brush against hers. She glanced over at him. He was obviously trying to work up the nerve to hold her hand.

"You know," she said. "If you let me carry my own books, it would probably be easier for you to hold my hand." She glanced back at him, raising an eyebrow when he stopped in his tracks.

He hurried forward, holding out her bag. She shook her head, grabbing it and slinging it over her right shoulder. She watched him switch his own bag to his left shoulder, and felt his right hand quickly enfold her left.

And that was the first – but not the last – day she walked to class holding James Potter's hand.

* * *

_Holy shit. It's such a relief to be done with this. Weird the way that works. Anyway, I might do a couple of random additions at some point in the future, but this was really the moment I wanted to get to. Sort of their turning point, and all that. So, yeah. The end._

_Hope you enjoyed._


	26. Very

"You're being ridiculous," she said, walking through the portrait hole.

"How am I being ridiculous?" he returned. "You basically asked one of my mates out on a date."

She scoffed at him. "I did not ask one of your mates out on a date," she said. "I invited Remus, who happens to be a friend of mine, to a concert."

"Right," he said. "Which is basically a date."

"No," she snapped. "It is not." She turned to the werewolf in question. "Remus," she said. James watched his friend's eyes widen. "Are you at all under the impression there will be any snogging or shagging on Friday night?"

"No," Remus responded, shaking his head quickly.

"Dating doesn't have anything to do with snogging or shagging," James said. He rolled his eyes when Sirius' mouth dropped open.

"Mate," Sirius said. "I know I did not just hear you say that."

James took a deep breath. "Look, that's not the point. The point is Lily asked Remus out on a bloody date."

"I did not," Lily shouted at him. "I invited him to a concert."

"Fine," James said. "If it isn't a date, why didn't invite me too? Or Sirius? Or Peter?" he asked.

"Well," she pretended to consider. "Possibly because you're a wanker, Sirius is a prat, and Peter is an idiot," she said in a scornful tone.

Sirius turned to James. "Nicely done, Prongs," he said. "We were getting along fine until you decided to throw your little tantrum."

"It's not a bloody tantrum," James hollered. "I've got a valid point. Even Dennison thinks so." James was concerned when Sirius and Remus both closed their eyes. "What?"

"Really?" Remus asked in a tired voice. "That's the direction you want to take this?"

James stared at him. "What's wrong with that?" he asked. "I wanted a female perspective." He turned to Lily. "Dennison agrees that one girl asking one guy to a concert constitutes a date."

"Does she also agree that one girl continuing to throw herself at one guy who has a girlfriend constitutes a slag?" Lily asked in a sugary voice.

James blinked. "She hasn't _thrown_ herself at anyone," he said defensively. "Besides, _she's_ not the problem here."

Lily looked at him. "Right," she said. "I guess that would be me." She shook her head, rising from her seat. "I'm sorry James. Am I not _normal_ enough for you? Maybe you can convince the school to offer a course on how to be a proper girlfriend to a 'quidditch star'. You know, things like how many buttons I should leave undone if I want blokes to stare at my cleavage when I talk to them. Or how best to giggle at stupid jokes that aren't funny."

"I don't think you're a bad girlfriend," James groaned. "I'd just prefer it if you didn't go out on dates with other blokes."

"I'm not going on a bloody date with anyone," she shouted at him.

"Fine then," he said, "tell me why you didn't invite me to come too."

She huffed out a breath and flicked her wand. Suddenly loud noises blasted around the room. James cringed and covered his ears, just catching a fleeting view of Lily exiting out the portrait hole.

"Bloody hell," he said. "I know she's angry, but this is a bit overkill, don't you think?" he yelled, trying to be heard over the cacophony. "At least she could have answered the question."

"She did," Remus shouted back. "This," he gestured to the room at large, half smiling, "is the band we're going to see tomorrow night." He swished his wand and the music died out. "I could be wrong, but I'm guessing she didn't invite you because she didn't think you'd like it."

James covered his face with his hand. "Balls," he said. "If I'd known this was what you were going to listen too, I would never have made a fuss about it."

* * *

He waited to talk to her until Saturday morning. Well, he intended to talk to her on Saturday morning, but as she still disappeared off to Merlin knew where, he had to wait to seek her out until she appeared on the map. By then it was more like Saturday afternoon. It was a Hogsmeade weekend too, so they should have been down at the Three Broomsticks enjoying a butterbeer. Sometimes James didn't know what was wrong with him that he managed to mess everything up so badly.

He caught up with her on the grounds, in the end. She was sitting by the lake, studying. He walked up quietly, trying to plan out his apology.

"I'm still angry," she said, before he could open his mouth.

"Yeah," he nodded. "I expect so. And I know you aren't likely to just let it go because I apologize, but I still want to," he said. "I was out of order," he continued. "All the way. You've a right to go wherever you want with whoever you want."

She glanced over at him. "I'm not going to be Dennison, James. No matter how hard you try to make me into her."

He lifted his hands defensively. "I'm not trying to do that at all. I'm not interested in Dennison. If I was, I'd be dating her, not you." He ignored her derisive snort. "I like that you aren't like other girls. I like that you're independent, and you do what you want, and like what you like," he said. "It's just sometimes I get stupid about it." He shrugged. "I was jealous, I guess."

She turned to face him. "Remus and I are just friends."

"I know," he said, picking at some grass. "Only you were friends before we got together. Back when you still thought I was the scum of the earth." He threw a clump of grass back down on the ground. "And he knows you better than I do." He scrubbed at some dirt on his fingers. "And you two like the same things," he said, staring at his hands. "I guess, sometimes I just wonder why you aren't dating him instead of me," he finished quietly.

"Well," she said after a long moment, "I think it comes down to snogging."

He looked up at her. "That's it? That's all you like about me?"

She shook her head. "No. I'm saying that's the difference. I think friends are people you just want to hang out with. Whereas boyfriends are people you want to hang out with _and_ snog," she explained. "There's no part of me that wants to kiss Remus when we hang out." She spoke again before he could object. "And," she said, "If all I liked about you was snogging, I wouldn't be dating you. I'd just be getting off with you."

"So . . . umm . . ." he said, plucking at some more grass. "What _do_ you like about me?" he asked.

She stared at him. "Really?" she said. "Really? You're going to use this as an excuse to try to get me to stroke your ego?"

He shook his head. "I tell you what I like about you," he said.

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, Lily, you're so fit," she imitated him.

"That's not it. I was just on about how I like that you're independent and all that," he said defensively. "And anyway, I liked you before you were fit." When she gave him a look, he quickly amended his statement. "Before you were as gorgeous as you are now."

She sighed. Laying back on the grass, she stared up at the sky. "I like that you know where you stand on muggleborns," she said. "And that it's not a bad place." She thought about it for a moment. "I like that you're a good friend, when you decide someone matters to you," she said. "And that you're willing to apologize when you know you've done something wrong."

He laid down on the grass next to her. "I'm still listening," he said.

She snorted. "And begging for accolades," she returned.

He reached over, interlacing his fingers with hers. "I can go one better, you know," he said.

He saw her smile slightly out of the corner of his eye. "Oh yeah?" she asked.

"Mmmhhmmm," he responded, bringing their joined hands up to his lips. "I _love_ that you tell me when you have a problem with something I do. And that you give me a chance to fix it, instead of just writing me off." He kissed her fingers. "I _love_ that you like ridiculous music, and don't seem at all embarrassed by it," he said, smiling when she huffed out an annoyed breath at his description. "I _love_ that you like picking out shapes in the clouds," he continued, propping himself up on his elbow. "But mostly," he said, leaning down to kiss her, "I love you." He kissed her again. "Even the bits that drive me crazy."

When he pulled back, he saw she was staring up at the sky again. "With me it's a little different," she said. "I think I love you more _despite_ all the irritating bits," she said, smiling cheekily. "And there are a lot of irritating bits," she added.

He kissed her again. "I think I'm going to need you to repeat that," he said, before leaning in again. "Without the insulting parts. In fact, let's start after the 'I think' portion, because that's not a very firm statement. And then we can finish after 'you'." He thought about it. "If you want to keep the word 'more' in there, I don't mind," he added. "We'll call it optional."

"You're such an arse," she said, pushing him off of her.

He rolled, pulling her with him so that she was laying on his chest. "No," he said, feigning a thoughtful expression. "I don't think that was the phrase we were aiming for at all." He kissed her again, for good measure. And because he really couldn't stop himself, even when he tried.

When she didn't say anything, he felt a friendly reminder was in order. "Lily," he said.

She laughed, pulling back. "Fine," she grumbled. "I," she punctuated it with a kiss, "Love," and another, "You." The last kiss was quite a bit longer. "Are you happy now?"

"Very."

* * *

_I guess it didn't feel quite complete after all. Hope you liked the addition._

_- Naj  
_


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